{"id":36235,"date":"2025-04-30T15:30:01","date_gmt":"2025-04-30T15:30:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/daruliftabirmingham.co.uk\/home\/?p=36235"},"modified":"2025-06-29T22:55:14","modified_gmt":"2025-06-29T22:55:14","slug":"ruling-on-intimacy-when-a-wife-has-a-history-of-abuse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/daruliftabirmingham.co.uk\/home\/ruling-on-intimacy-when-a-wife-has-a-history-of-abuse\/","title":{"rendered":"Ruling on Intimacy When a Wife Has a History of Abuse"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"text-align: right;\"><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\"><strong>Fatwa ID: 08046<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\"><strong>Answered by: Alimah Maryam Badshah<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\"><strong>Question:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\">My wife due to past abuse sadly finds it difficult to reciprocate intimate advances, she does so on some occasions and not on most. It his her opinion that due to her experiences it is not obligatory on her to do so, is this the correct view. Or does my right as a husband remain. Please note this issue has caused a lot of anguish on both sides<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\"><strong>In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\"><strong>Answer:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\">The right of intimacy is a shared right of both the husband and wife. The purpose of marriage is for both spouses to benefit through protecting oneself from their desire and obtaining reward. This is in order to protect oneself from committing sin.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\">With that said, it is forbidden for marriage to cause injustice or overwhelming fear. If your wife is suffering from fear or feelings of injustice through these advances, it would be impermissible for you to continue. However, if this is not the case and she is also not turning your advances down for other legitimate reasons like sickness, weariness or the intimacy causing her harm, then it would be wrong of her to bar you from it. However, it is important to keep in mind that it would not permit a husband to forcibly obtain intimacy regardless of the situation, as this is also forbidden.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\">Since there are occasions where your wife does reciprocate, perhaps you can gently discuss with her what she thinks the reasons might be, as well as what she feels causes her to feel unable to continue. It should always be kept in mind that marriage is something mutual where both spouses should benefit and be at ease {and that it is desirable in a marriage that you treat her kindly}.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\">In the meantime, reduce your attempts and find other ways you can deepen your bond and thus improve your intimacy. Speak with your wife and get to know her as a person. Ask her how her day was and what her worries are. Help her to feel valued as an individual.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\">In the end, it is important that we understand that the past has a lasting effect on all of us, whether good or bad. It is not something that can be deleted or controlled and requires a lot of time and a careful, considerate approach. Even with care, dealing with trauma is not always a forward trajectory, there can be relapses that cause the victim to return to their starting line.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\">It might be a good idea for your wife to have some therapy if her past abuse is having an adverse effect on your marriage. I would also advise you to talk about this issue with your wife in a kind and gentle manner, and to seek a Muslim marriage counsellor or mediator to discuss what steps you both can take in reaching a solution that is amicable to you both.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\">It was narrated from Ibn &#8216;Abbas (ra) that the Prophet (saw) said: &#8220;The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\">Only Allah (\u0639\u0632 \u0648 \u062c\u0644) knows best.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\">Written by Alimah Maryam Badshah<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\">Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\">Darul Ifta Birmingham<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\">References:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\">\u0648\u064e\u0623\u064e\u0645\u064e\u0651\u0627 \u0623\u064e\u062d\u0652\u0643\u064e\u0627\u0645\u064f\u0647\u064f) \u0641\u064e\u062d\u0650\u0644\u064f\u0651 \u0627\u0633\u0652\u062a\u0650\u0645\u0652\u062a\u064e\u0627\u0639\u0650 \u0643\u064f\u0644\u0650\u0651 \u0645\u0650\u0646\u0652\u0647\u064f\u0645\u064e\u0627 \u0628\u0650\u0627\u0644\u0652\u0622\u062e\u064e\u0631\u0650 \u0639\u064e\u0644\u064e\u0649 \u0627\u0644\u0652\u0648\u064e\u062c\u0652\u0647\u0650 \u0627\u0644\u0652\u0645\u064e\u0623\u0652\u0630\u064f\u0648\u0646\u0650 \u0641\u0650\u064a\u0647\u0650 \u0634\u064e\u0631\u0652\u0639\u064b\u0627\u060c \u0643\u064e\u0630\u064e\u0627 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\u0627\u0644\u0652\u0645\u064f\u0635\u064e\u0627\u0647\u064e\u0631\u064e\u0629\u0650 \u0648\u064e\u0627\u0644\u0652\u0625\u0650\u0631\u0652\u062b\u064f \u0645\u0650\u0646\u0652 \u0627\u0644\u0652\u062c\u064e\u0627\u0646\u0650\u0628\u064e\u064a\u0652\u0646\u0650\u060c \u0648\u064e\u0648\u064f\u062c\u064f\u0648\u0628\u064f \u0627\u0644\u0652\u0639\u064e\u062f\u0652\u0644\u0650 \u0628\u064e\u064a\u0652\u0646\u064e \u0627\u0644\u0646\u0650\u0651\u0633\u064e\u0627\u0621\u0650 \u0648\u064e\u062d\u064f\u0642\u064f\u0648\u0642\u0650\u0647\u0650\u0646\u064e\u0651 \u0648\u064e\u0648\u064f\u062c\u064f\u0648\u0628\u064f \u0625\u0637\u064e\u0627\u0639\u064e\u062a\u0650\u0647\u0650 \u0639\u064e\u0644\u064e\u064a\u0652\u0647\u064e\u0627 \u0625\u0630\u064e\u0627 \u062f\u064e\u0639\u064e\u0627\u0647\u064e\u0627 \u0625\u0644\u064e\u0649 \u0627\u0644\u0652\u0641\u0650\u0631\u064e\u0627\u0634\u0650 \u0648\u064e\u0648\u0650\u0644\u064e\u0627\u064a\u064e\u0629\u064f \u062a\u064e\u0623\u0652\u062f\u0650\u064a\u0628\u0650\u0647\u064e\u0627 \u0625\u0630\u064e\u0627 \u0644\u064e\u0645\u0652 \u062a\u064f\u0637\u0650\u0639\u0652\u0647\u064f \u0628\u0650\u0623\u064e\u0646\u0652 \u0646\u064e\u0634\u064e\u0632\u064e\u062a\u0652 \u0648\u064e\u0627\u0633\u0652\u062a\u0650\u062d\u0652\u0628\u064e\u0627\u0628\u064f \u0645\u064f\u0639\u064e\u0627\u0634\u064e\u0631\u064e\u062a\u0650\u0647\u064e\u0627 \u0628\u0650\u0627\u0644\u0652\u0645\u064e\u0639\u0652\u0631\u064f\u0648\u0641\u0650<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\">Al-Fat\u0101wa al-Hindiyyah (Vol.1, pg.270, D\u0101r Al-Fiqr)<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\">(\u0623\u064e\u0645\u064e\u0651\u0627 \u062a\u064e\u0641\u0652\u0633\u0650\u064a\u0631\u064f\u0647\u064f) \u0641\u064e\u0647\u064f\u0648\u064e \u0639\u064e\u0642\u0652\u062f\u064c \u064a\u064e\u0631\u0650\u062f\u064f \u0639\u064e\u0644\u064e\u0649 \u0645\u0650\u0644\u0652\u0643\u0650 \u0627\u0644\u0652\u0645\u064f\u062a\u0652\u0639\u064e\u0629\u0650 \u0642\u064e\u0635\u0652\u062f\u064b\u0627\u060c \u0643\u064e\u0630\u064e\u0627 \u0641\u0650\u064a \u0627\u0644\u0652\u0643\u064e\u0646\u0652\u0632\u0650 (\u0648\u064e\u0623\u064e\u0645\u064e\u0651\u0627 \u0635\u0650\u0641\u064e\u062a\u064f\u0647\u064f) \u0641\u064e\u0647\u064f\u0648\u064e \u0623\u064e\u0646\u064e\u0651\u0647\u064f \u0641\u0650\u064a \u062d\u064e\u0627\u0644\u064e\u0629\u0650 \u0627\u0644\u0650\u0627\u0639\u0652\u062a\u0650\u062f\u064e\u0627\u0644\u0650 \u0633\u064f\u0646\u064e\u0651\u0629\u064c \u0645\u064f\u0624\u064e\u0643\u064e\u0651\u062f\u064e\u0629\u064c\u060c \u0648\u064e\u062d\u064e\u0627\u0644\u064e\u0629\u0650 \u0627\u0644\u062a\u064e\u0651\u0648\u064e\u0642\u064e\u0627\u0646\u0650 \u0648\u064e\u0627\u062c\u0650\u0628\u064c \u0648\u064e\u062d\u064e\u0627\u0644\u064e\u0629\u0650 \u062e\u064e\u0648\u0652\u0641\u0650 \u0627\u0644\u0652\u062c\u064e\u0648\u0652\u0631\u0650 \u0645\u064e\u0643\u0652\u0631\u064f\u0648\u0647\u064c\u060c \u0643\u064e\u0630\u064e\u0627 \u0641\u0650\u064a \u0627\u0644\u0650\u0627\u062e\u0652\u062a\u0650\u064a\u064e\u0627\u0631\u0650 \u0634\u064e\u0631\u0652\u062d\u0650 \u0627\u0644\u0652\u0645\u064f\u062e\u0652\u062a\u064e\u0627\u0631\u0650<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\">Al-Fat\u0101wa al-Hindiyyah (Vol.1, pg.267, D\u0101r Al-Fiqr)<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\">(\u0642\u064e\u0648\u0652\u0644\u064f\u0647\u064f: \u0644\u0650\u0644\u0652\u0645\u064f\u0648\u064e\u0627\u0638\u064e\u0628\u064e\u0629\u0650 \u0639\u064e\u0644\u064e\u064a\u0652\u0647\u0650 \u0648\u064e\u0627\u0644\u0652\u0625\u0650\u0646\u0652\u0643\u064e\u0627\u0631\u0650 \u0625\u0644\u064e\u062e\u0652) \u0641\u064e\u0625\u0650\u0646\u064e\u0651 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\u0628\u0650\u0630\u064e\u0644\u0650\u0643\u064e \u0641\u064e\u0628\u0650\u0642\u064e\u0648\u0652\u0644\u0650\u0647\u064e\u0627&#8230;<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\">Raddul Muht\u0101r (Vol.3, pg.203-4, D\u0101r Al-Fiqr)<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\">\u062d\u064e\u062f\u064e\u0651\u062b\u064e\u0646\u064e\u0627 \u0623\u064e\u0628\u064f\u0648 \u0628\u0650\u0634\u0652\u0631\u064d\u060c \u0628\u064e\u0643\u0652\u0631\u064f \u0628\u0652\u0646\u064f \u062e\u064e\u0644\u064e\u0641\u064d \u0648\u064e\u0645\u064f\u062d\u064e\u0645\u064e\u0651\u062f\u064f \u0628\u0652\u0646\u064f \u064a\u064e\u062d\u0652\u064a\u064e\u0649 \u0642\u064e\u0627\u0644\u0627\u064e \u062d\u064e\u062f\u064e\u0651\u062b\u064e\u0646\u064e\u0627 \u0623\u064e\u0628\u064f\u0648 \u0639\u064e\u0627\u0635\u0650\u0645\u064d\u060c \u0639\u064e\u0646\u0652 \u062c\u064e\u0639\u0652\u0641\u064e\u0631\u0650 \u0628\u0652\u0646\u0650 \u064a\u064e\u062d\u0652\u064a\u064e\u0649 \u0628\u0652\u0646\u0650 \u062b\u064e\u0648\u0652\u0628\u064e\u0627\u0646\u064e\u060c \u0639\u064e\u0646\u0652 \u0639\u064e\u0645\u0650\u0651\u0647\u0650\u060c \u0639\u064f\u0645\u064e\u0627\u0631\u064e\u0629\u064e \u0628\u0652\u0646\u0650 \u062b\u064e\u0648\u0652\u0628\u064e\u0627\u0646\u064e \u0639\u064e\u0646\u0652 \u0639\u064e\u0637\u064e\u0627\u0621\u064d\u060c \u0639\u064e\u0646\u0650 \u0627\u0628\u0652\u0646\u0650 \u0639\u064e\u0628\u064e\u0651\u0627\u0633\u064d\u060c \u0639\u064e\u0646\u0650 \u0627\u0644\u0646\u064e\u0651\u0628\u0650\u064a\u0650\u0651 \u0640 \u0635\u0644\u0649 \u0627\u0644\u0644\u0647 \u0639\u0644\u064a\u0647 \u0648\u0633\u0644\u0645 \u0640 \u0642\u064e\u0627\u0644\u064e \u200f &#8220;\u200f \u062e\u064e\u064a\u0652\u0631\u064f\u0643\u064f\u0645\u0652 \u062e\u064e\u064a\u0652\u0631\u064f\u0643\u064f\u0645\u0652 \u0644\u0623\u064e\u0647\u0652\u0644\u0650\u0647\u0650 \u0648\u064e\u0623\u064e\u0646\u064e\u0627 \u062e\u064e\u064a\u0652\u0631\u064f\u0643\u064f\u0645\u0652 \u0644\u0623\u064e\u0647\u0652\u0644\u0650\u064a \u200f&#8221;\u200f \u200f.<\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: verdana, geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;\">Sunan Ibn Majah 1977 (Vol. 3, pg.185, Kitab Bhavan)<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u200f<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Fatwa ID: 08046 &nbsp; Answered by: Alimah Maryam Badshah \u00a0 Question: My wife due to past abuse sadly finds it difficult to reciprocate intimate advances,&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[11],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/daruliftabirmingham.co.uk\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36235"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/daruliftabirmingham.co.uk\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/daruliftabirmingham.co.uk\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/daruliftabirmingham.co.uk\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/daruliftabirmingham.co.uk\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=36235"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/daruliftabirmingham.co.uk\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36235\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":38003,"href":"https:\/\/daruliftabirmingham.co.uk\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36235\/revisions\/38003"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/daruliftabirmingham.co.uk\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=36235"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/daruliftabirmingham.co.uk\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=36235"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/daruliftabirmingham.co.uk\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=36235"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}