I am sixty five years old. I’ve had sexual relations with three married Muslim women. Ever since my wife came to know about them, she has refused to have sexual relations with me, because she says my taubah is not sincere, and therefore an adulterer can only have relations with an adulteress, without sincere taubah. I still meet one of them as I can talk to her about my troubles with my wife.I have stopped having sexual intercourse with her, but we do indulge in other forms of sexual activities. My wife considers this too zinnah. Especially with a married woman. Is this zinnah?
In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful.
The first point that needs to be clarified is in regards to the comments that an adulterer can only have relations with an adulteress. This is incorrect and in no way justifies that an adulterer can have a relationship with an adulteress. The relationship between the two that are mentioned in the Quran is in regards to marriage. Allah states in the Quran: The adulterer shall not marry save an adulteress or an idolatress… (Surah Nur: 3)
If an individual was involved in the sin of adultery then he should make sincere repentance. Allah states in the Quran, “…Turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, about your past mistakes, so that you may attain salvation.” (Surah Nur: 31)
Abu Musa (radi allahu anhu) narrates that Allah’s Apostle (sallal lahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, stretches out His Hand during the night so that the people repent for the fault committed from dawn till dusk and He stretches out His Hand during the day so that the people may repent for the fault committed from dusk to dawn (He would accept repentance) before the sun rises in the west (before the Day of Resurrection)”. (Sahih Muslim: 1289)
Said bin Jubair narrates that Ibn Abza said to me, “Ask Ibn ‘Abbas regarding the Statement of Allah: ‘And whoever murders a believer intentionally, his recompense is Hell.’ (4.69) And also His Statement: ‘…nor kill such life as Allah has forbidden, except for a just cause …..except those who repent, believe, and do good deeds.’ “ (25.68-70) So I asked Ibn ‘Abbas and he said, “When this (25.68-69) was revealed, the people of Mecca said, “We have invoked other gods with Allah, and we have murdered such lives which Allah has made sacred, and we have committed illegal sexual intercourse. So Allah revealed: ‘Except those who repent, believe, and do good deeds and Allah is
Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.’ (25.70)
From the above it is clear that if one does sincerely repent then Allah would accept this. However for repentance to be sincere and accepted the individual must renounce the sin itself, feel remorse and make a firm determination never to repeat it. The true repentance is characterized by signs, among which are a softness of the heart, frequent weeping, adhering to obedience, and keeping away from evil companions and places.
You should avoid meeting these women, married or not, and should keep no connection with them at all as this is considered to be adultery too. Ibn Abbas (radi allahu anhu) narrates that … Abu Huraira (radi allahu anhu) narrated from the Prophet (sallal lahu alayhi wa sallam) who said… “The adultery of the eyes is the sight (to gaze at a forbidden thing), the adultery of the tongue is the talk, and the inner self wishes and desires and the private parts testify all this or deny it.” (Sahih Bukhari: 8.260)
Only Allah knows best.
Darul Ifta, Birmingham