Can one continue to make dua for a sister who has chosen another person in a marriage

Fatwa ID: 02205

Answered by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Question:

Dear Mufti Saheb,

I have a question about a particular scenario that’s occurred recently.

I’m looking to get married again and move on with my life. I’d identified a girl who I felt met the criteria of what I’m looking for and “ticked all the boxes” so to speak. I indicated to her a few weeks back that I wished to discuss marriage with her when the appropriate time presented itself in the near future (as she was finishing off her alimah studies this summer I thought I’d wait for that to happen first). When I indicated my intentions to her she seemed open to the idea of me talking to her about marriage. I regularly did dua to Allah that if there is khayr in marrying her then to give her to me in marriage, and also for Allah to actually put khayr in the whole thing and make it happen. I also did istikharah from which I felt I should proceed with the matter.

However, when I approached her recently to discuss the matter she informed me that she’d just got engaged to someone else. Of course this is her right and whatever is in each person’s taqdeer will happen. However, i’m a bit “heartbroken” as to missing out on her as from what I knew about her she seemed to fit the bill for me in many ways….especially after the experience of my first marriage and what I realised I wanted and needed to move on in my life.

But, of course Allah does what is khayr for everyone and only what is in our taqdeer will happen and Insha’Allah I accept that.

However, my question is this – I know that it is impermissible to propose to a girl when she has had a proposal and indeed now that she is engaged. But what I wanted to know is that is it permissible for me to do dua to Allah even at this stage to request Him to do what is best regarding the situation for all parties concerned, i.e. if there is still ultimate khayr in a marriage taking place between the two of us and not the actual person she is engaged to at the moment, then to make that happen? And if there isn’t khayr in that then for Allah to do what is best for all.

I’d like to know what is permissible and recommended in this situation as the last thing I want to do is an impermissible act or dua.

Your advice would be much appreciated in this matter.

Answer:

Bismillah

Istikharah is a dua, which a person makes for seeking guidance in undecided matters or for seeking barakah in decided matters.

The principles of duas are that they will never go to waste. Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) may give you that thing which you have desired for in this world or he will store it for you in the Hereafter. In any case, one does not lose out when it comes to making duas.

Sometimes a person makes Istikharah and he gets good vibes for the person he intended to marry, but instead Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) chooses another path for that person. We as Muslims should not be disheartened about these chain of events, but rather believe this is the best solution as Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) is wise and Hakeem and a Hakeem would not do anything against his wisdom and nor would Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) would do anything which harms his servants.

You can continue to make dua for this sister and khayr, but only in the decision she has taken i.e. choosing another person. It is best that you do not make dua to Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) in such a way that you want her proposal or even her marriage in the future to break and come to you as it will be considered in a way questioning Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) judgement.

Only Allah Knows Best

Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham

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