Fatwa ID: 03228
Answered by: Maulana Muhammad Adnan
I am 27 years old. My husband and I were estranged from the last two years. He would never be home, always working or if he was home he would always ignore me or hardly even start a conversation. This went on every day. We moved from London to Birmingham because of his job and we are away from family and friends, only contact us via social media these days.
I began to feel very lonely. Told him how I felt but he didn't care and we would argue regularly to the extent where even if I say something casual he would take my comment in a negative way and same thinking on my side as well. I would cry he wouldn't care.
One day I was online in anger and wanted to speak to someone to not feel lonely. I had no intention of falling in love. I just wanted to speak to a person anonymously. I met a guy called Ali three months older than me, from Pakistan but working in Saudia Arabia. A month later I fell in love with him and I told him.
We continued the relationship for the next 15 months and in that time not even once did my husband try and fix things between me and him or show any interest towards me which only made me closer to Ali. I and Ali have shared many things such as pictures and videos, including pictures of me in lingerie and him sending me topless pics and we both sent a video of ourselves showering. We would talk every day send messages all day, phone calls. Anyways we still love each other but decided to end things as he is getting married and it's for the best as we both recognise it is wrong seeing as I'm married.
I've been married for 7 years in total but 15 months of it I've been having an affair and my husband has no idea. I still love Ali but I'm trying to leave him in the past and focus on my husband. I tried to fix things between me and my husband and we have become close again. I feel guilty though but still love Ali and feeling heartbroken.
I want to repent will Allah forgive me or am I definitely going to hell. I was once a very practising Muslim and have a strict upbringing went to all-girls school and parents never let me go out with friends, I used to read namaz but since I got married I have become less religious and more rebellious.
Please tell me am I going to hell? Because I'm really worried
بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيْم
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
In regards to your question, the scholars have written if the sin committed is related to Allah (SWA), like zina then there are 3 conditions for the repentance of the sinner to be accepted.
1. He refrains from committing the same sin again.
2. He feels ashamed at what he has done.
3. He makes a firm intention of not committing that sin again.
In regards to your question, it seems that you do have remorse and guilt over your actions and Inshallah, Allah (SWA) will accept your repentance.
Only Allah Knows Best
Written by Maulana Muhammad Adnan
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham