Fatwa ID: 07349
Answered by: Mufti Nazrul Islam
Question:
I have been married for 17 years and have been in the running battle with my husband not accepting my family. It wasn’t like this at the beginning hut truly my father was reluctant in me marrying him but he later agreed. He says my family don’t like him and wants me to keep my siblings and parents at arms length. Initially I was afraid and agreed. He doesn’t want them coming to our house.
On more that one occasion in the middle of the night when my brother came to deliver a message he insisted I send him out and he had to travel back 2 hours back to my parents house. He says his own family don’t come to his house too so there is no issue.. I am the sole provider of the family and Allah knows I make no issue of it but recently I told him I feel like a slave. I bought a car with my money and when I was living the country I wanted to sell it to my brother. I told him and he became annoyed and beat me up saying I bought the car in his house and as such it belongs to him and I can’t give anyone without his permission. I left the car for him and apologised to my brother and returned his money. My siblings are actually comfortable in. Now two of them want me to go to Hajj and he is saying no one should send his wife to Hajj. I have 3 kids who witness how he shouts and abuses my emotionally and physically.
He does nothing for my parents. Won’t even call them but I don’t look at this and do my part for him mum. Gift her things and call her. I have tried talking to her but she sees nothing wrong. I am the first born of my parents and have siblings who want to look up to me but he is preventing that with all his power saying I should be loyal only to him.
I have told him I have a responsibility to my parents and siblings and that doesn’t affect my responsibility to him and my immediate family but he refused. We had a major fight when I said it over the phone.
I live in UK now and he is in our country but he is coming down to UK and I am already scared. He also won’t listen to any Ulama or any advise he believes he knows more. How do I handle this issue.he listens to no one and becomes violent if things don’t go his way
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
I pray that Allah S.W.T grants ease.
- Be punctual in your obligatory acts.
- Do a lot of Istigfar (seek Allah’s forgiveness) (2)
- Send peace and salutations (Darood) upon the Prophet S.A.W. in abundance. (3)
- Ask Allah for help and continuously make Dua to him even if things get better. (4)
- Try to find out if he respects anyone who follows Deen, especially the scholars, and ask them to mediate between you two.
- Seek professional marriage counselling.
- Seek alternative/ government assistance and resources if need be.
Only Allah knows best
Written by Mufti Nazrul Islam
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
(2)حَدَّثَنَا هِشَامُ بْنُ عَمَّارٍ، حَدَّثَنَا الْوَلِيدُ بْنُ مُسْلِمٍ، حَدَّثَنَا الْحَكَمُ بْنُ مُصْعَبٍ، حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ عَلِيِّ بْنِ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَبَّاسٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، أَنَّهُ حَدَّثَهُ عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ، أَنَّهُ حَدَّثَهُ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم “ مَنْ لَزِمَ الاِسْتِغْفَارَ جَعَلَ اللَّهُ لَهُ مِنْ كُلِّ ضِيقٍ مَخْرَجًا وَمِنْ كُلِّ هَمٍّ فَرَجًا وَرَزَقَهُ مِنْ حَيْثُ لاَ يَحْتَسِبُ ” .
Abu Dawood, 1518
(3)وَعَنْ أُبَيِّ بْنِ كَعْبٍ قَالَ: قُلْتُ: يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ إِنِّي أُكْثِرُ الصَّلَاةَ عَلَيْكَ فَكَمْ أَجْعَلُ لَكَ مِنْ صَلَاتِي؟ فَقَالَ: «مَا شِئْتَ» قُلْتُ: الرُّبُعَ؟ قَالَ: «مَا شِئْتَ فَإِنْ زِدْتَ فَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَكَ» . قُلْتُ: النِّصْفَ؟ قَالَ: «مَا شِئْتَ فَإِنْ زِدْتَ فَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَكَ» قُلْتُ: فَالثُّلُثَيْنِ؟ قَالَ: «مَا شِئْتَ فَإِنْ زِدْتَ فَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَكَ» قُلْتُ: أَجْعَلُ لَكَ صَلَاتِي كُلَّهَا؟ قَالَ: «إِذا يكفى همك وَيكفر لَك ذَنْبك» . رَوَاهُ التِّرْمِذِيّ
Mishkat, 929
(4)وَقَالَ رَبُّكُمُ ادْعُونِي أَسْتَجِبْ لَكُمْ إِنَّ الَّذِينَ يَسْتَكْبِرُونَ عَنْ عِبَادَتِي سَيَدْخُلُونَ جَهَنَّمَ دَاخِرِينَ
(Al-Mu’min : 60)
