Fatwa ID: 07653
Answered by Alimah Shireen Mangera-Badat
Question:
If my father requests a high Mahr for a potential suitor, Is it permissible for woman to agree to a different dowry with her potential spouse in secret like for example paying for hajj.
My father is quite elderly, 72, so sometimes I believe he is unaware that he is making an unreasonable request.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer
In Hanafi Fiqh, the concept of the mahr (dowry) is a fundamental aspect of the marriage contract. It is a right given to the bride by the groom and is a symbol of respect and responsibility. The amount of mahr is generally agreed upon by the parties involved, and it is not obligatory to follow the father’s request if it becomes unreasonable.
In Islam, the mahr is the exclusive right of the woman, and she has the full authority to decide its amount, whether to increase, decrease, or even waive it entirely. The father, while his opinion and guidance should be respected, does not have the authority to impose an unreasonable mahr against the daughter’s wishes.1
If the father requests a high mahr that the potential suitor finds difficult to fulfill, it is permissible for the woman to agree with her potential spouse on a different mahr, even if this is done privately. For example, the couple might agree that the husband will pay for the wife’s Hajj as part of the mahr. This agreement is valid if it is mutual and voluntary.2
This principle underscores that the woman has the right to negotiate or adjust the mahr independently, and such an agreement is valid in the Shariah.
While Islam emphasises respecting one’s parents, it also acknowledges that parents, especially elderly ones, might sometimes make decisions that are not in the best interests of their children. If the father’s request is unreasonable and could potentially harm the marriage, the daughter is not obligated to comply with it.3 This indicates that if the father’s request leads to undue hardship or causes harm, the daughter has the right to respectfully disagree and choose a different path that is more reasonable and conducive to the success of the marriage.
Islam encourages transparency in marital agreements to prevent future disputes. However, if there is a genuine concern that openly discussing a lower mahr might cause unnecessary tension or strain due to the father’s condition, the couple may agree privately on the mahr, provided that both parties fully consent and there is no coercion.4
Therefore, in summary, it is permissible for a woman to agree with her potential spouse on a different mahr than what her father requests, especially if the father’s request is unreasonable. The mahr is the woman’s right, and she has the autonomy to negotiate or adjust it as she sees fit. While it is important to respect the father’s wishes, the daughter is not bound to follow an unreasonable demand, and a private agreement on a more manageable mahr, such as paying for Hajj, is valid and permissible in Hanafi Fiqh.
I hope that this answers the question.
Only Allah knows best.
Written by Alimah Shireen Mangera-Badat
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
1 Al-Hidayah (الهداية) by Al-Marghinani: “وَالْمَهْرُ حَقُّهَا فَلَا يَجِبُ بِرِضَا أَبِيهَا (Vol. 2, pg. 305)
2 (رد المحتار على الدر المختار) “لها أن تسقط عن الزوج ما زاد على مهر مثلها ولو بغير إذن وليها”
3 (البحر الرائق): “لا طاعة لمخلوق في معصية الخالق”
4 (فتح القدير) “ما يقع عليه التراضي بين الزوجين من المهر هو حق للمرأة، ولا يشترط علم غيرهما بذلك
