Fatwa ID: 08865

 

 

Written by Alimah Aisha Qureshi

 

Question:

 

I am looking to marry and have been meeting potentials through the arranged marriage process. Alhamdulillah I never been in any relationship and have always wanted to marry through a halal way.

 

I have met many suitors, and I never felt connected to them. On one or two occasions, I had a negative dream/vision straight after meeting related to the potential (without doing istikhara). 

 

However, I met a man recently and before meeting him, naturally I started to cry before the meeting. I never experienced this feeling before, but just this time.  And I’d say Alhamdulillah this was the only man who I felt connected to, due to his physical appearance, character and personality. His knowledge of both deen and Duniya was impressive. 

 

Anyways, post the meeting – I decided to do istikhara as I was feeling very restless and anxious (they have not responded yet). After my istikhara prayer I lay in bed and got a strong feeling that something (a force) is being pulled inside me, pulling a big burden from my chest. Gradually with this force my thoughts about the potential started to disappear, I struggled to recall our meeting and how he looked, and I felt a sense of relief. As though my heart was free from burden.

 

Moments later, one moment from our meeting appeared in front of me. It was a happy moment between us, and I saw it few times.  After that I got such a strong positive inclination. It was as though my restlessness, anxiety had disappeared (I still couldn’t recall our entire conversation though). I slept in peace. I woke up hours later and I could recall everything about our conversation. 

 

It has been like this every day. I’ve prayed istikhara 6 times just to be clear, and I still feel a positive inclination about this potential – although there has been no response so far from their side.

 

I am now getting confused about this istikhara. I am feeling restless, overthinking and overly anxious. I make Dua every day that if he is not written for me, then may Allah take him out of my heart and mind. But I can’t seem to. Please help.

 

 

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

 

 

Answer:

 

Marriage is a very important and sacred part of a Muslim’s life. It is not only a union of two people but also a spiritual and emotional commitment guided by Islamic principles. Alhamdulillah, you have taken a halal and dignified path in seeking marriage through arranged means, preserving your modesty and staying away from impermissible relationships.

 

You have described your experience of meeting several suitors and feeling no connection, until recently, when you met a man whose character and deen impressed you. This meeting caused deep emotional stirrings, followed by your decision to perform Salat al-Istikhara for guidance from Allah. However, despite experiencing a strong positive inclination after praying, you now find yourself confused and anxious due to the lack of response from the other side.

 

Istikhara is a Sunnah practice taught by the Prophet ﷺ to seek Allah’s guidance in all major life decisions. It is not necessarily about seeing dreams, but about Allah guiding the outcome in a way that is best for your dunya and akhirah.

 

Your current state of restlessness and anxiety is valid, but it is also a moment to lean into tawakkul (trust in Allah). Ask Allah sincerely to remove from your heart anything that is not good for you, and trust that He will respond in the best way, even if not immediately.

 

If he is written for you, Allah will open that path with ease. If he is not, Allah will replace that attachment with something far better for your dunya and akhirah. Until then, keep praying, remain calm, and know that Allah never overlooks the sincere heart of a believer.

 

 

References:

 

قَالَ كَانَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يُعَلِّمُنَا الاِسْتِخَارَةَ فِي الأُمُورِ كَمَا يُعَلِّمُنَا السُّورَةَ مِنَ الْقُرْآنِ يَقُولُ ‏ 

Sahih al-Bukhari 1166

 

وَعَسَىٰ أَنْ تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَكُمْ ۖ وَعَسَىٰ أَنْ تُحِبُّوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَكُمْ ۗ وَاللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ

Surah Al-Baqarah verse 216

 

‏وَمَن يَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ فَهُوَ حَسْبُهُۥٓ

Surah Talaq verse 3

 

 

Only Allah knows best.

Written by Alimah Aisha Qureshi

Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham