Fatwa ID: 08810
Answered by: Maulana Yusuf Badshah
Question:
It has been eight months since I got married and six months since my wife started staying with me.
My wife comes from a deendaar family. She is a paresgaar and pious woman, loves me a lot and takes excellent care of me. She has been wearing the niqab since before our marriage; however in presence of her maternal and paternal cousins as well as her brother-in-law (i.e. her sister’s husband), she wears only hijab and not niqab.
Since she has started staying with me, several times I have told her to wear the niqab in presence of her maternal and paternal cousins as well as her brother-in-law, but she always refuses. I told her that as she is already wearing the niqab, so wear it as it should be worn, i.e., wear the niqab in presence of her maternal and paternal cousins and brother-in-law as well, since they are non-mahram. I also told her about the Hadith where Rasoolullah (SAW) said that the brother-in-law is like death.
However, she still refuses. She argues that as her uncles also are considered non-mahrams and she does not wear the niqab in their presence, thus she is still respecting the rules of niqab even though not wearing it in presence of her maternal and paternal cousins and brother-in-law. She also told me that she knows her limits while conversing with these individuals. Additionally, she argues that she finds it hard to adopt wearing the niqab in their presence. She also argues that I cannot force her to wear the niqab in their presence.
Besides, she also refuses to wear the niqab in presence of my uncles; her argument being that they are elderly individuals. Many a times, when paying families a visit or families visiting us, I remind her to wear the niqab; but she refuses and sometimes we end up having light discussions. Also, when I see her without niqab in presence of her maternal and paternal cousins, her brother-in-law and my uncles, I feel annoyed and avoid looking at her or talking to her.
Nonetheless, since I have started asking her to wear the niqab in presence of her maternal and paternal cousins and brother-in-law, I have noticed a change in my wife’s behaviour in front of them. She no longer entertains conversations with them as it used to be at the start of our marriage.
Recently, after some observation and ‘research’, I have come to conclusion that she is not willing to wear the niqab in presence of her maternal and paternal cousins and brother-in-law as her mother (who is of an authoritative nature) will not like her doing so and will be angry at her.
I had like to point out that before our marriage, I knew that my wife was not wearing the niqab in presence of her cousins and brother-in-law. However, an elder advised me to not set any conditions before nikah and only after our marriage, to ask her to wear the niqab in their presence.
In brief, my wife is paresgaar and we both love each other a lot. I have no complaints in regards to her khidmat of me. However, to wear the niqab in presence of her cousins, brother-in-law and my uncles is also important. In addition, I think that my mother-in-law should understand that her daughter is now married and she (i.e. my mother-in-law) should not be angry at something that I am asking my wife to do.
Can you please shed some light on this matter?
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Answer:
In general, the Hijab must be preserved in front of male non-Mahrams, including relatives. This means it is required in front of her cousin brothers, your uncles and, most importantly, her brother-in-law. Although she is correct that it is not required in front of those of great age such that they no longer have the drive or desire, it is still preferable to observe the Hijab in front of them as a precaution [1].
However, as to whether or not this also applies to the Niqab falls under the difference of opinion regarding the obligation of the Niqab. For those who deem the Niqab to be Fardh, the rulings for the Hijab and Niqab are the same. For those who believe wearing the Niqab is a Sunnah rather than a Fardh, this means the rulings of Niqab come secondary to obligations such as maintaining ties and may be dropped when significantly great difficulty or risk arises [2].
Regardless, if she is good-looking to the extent that there is a real risk of her relatives being attracted to her, then all agree she should maintain Hijab and Niqab regardless, and the same can be said for if not doing so causes great discomfort for the husband and discord in their marriage. It is also generally discouraged for her to get too close, act overly familiar or hold too personal a conversation with them, even if she is wearing a Niqab [3].
But while having Ghayrah and protectiveness are praiseworthy qualities, a healthy marriage requires one to be open-minded, see the bigger picture and make concessions [4]. Based on the above, there multiple factors you need to consider.
The first point to consider is her stance regarding the Niqab. If she believes the Niqab to be Sunnah while you deem it Fardh, then as with the one who marries someone from another Madhab, it is important that you both work together, take steps and make concessions to reconcile your differences and respect each other’s viewpoint. Both opinions are legitimate and valid, and it is not correct to dismiss or belittle either of them.
One should take into account the importance of maintaining a functional, cooperative and productive marriage and the concessions one must make to ensure their marital bond remains a strong, long-lasting and successful one. There will always be some level of difference of opinion between spouses, and to approach it in the best manner requires you to discuss the matter constructively, acknowledge her opinion, treat her with respect, accept her right to have a different opinion, put your best effort into reconciling and acknowledge the need to concede for a compromise to be reached [5].
Next one should consider the reasons as to why she is reluctant to wear the Niqab in front of some of her relatives. You may be correct in that her mother is pressuring her. However, it is important that you recognise that your rights with regards to her daughter do not supersede her own. One is obligated to keep ties with their parents, and a difference of opinion such as this is not a legitimate reason for her to sour ties with her own mother whom she has been commanded and obligated by Allah s.w.t to respect and obey [6].
Another factor may be the emotional difficulty that comes with acting differently to how one normally does without a clear reason. An aversion to conflict and preference for harmony is a natural emotion. She has clearly been trying to make progress in this regard by avoiding conversation and acting overly familiar, and she will need your positive support and encouragement if she is to continue to take steps in the right direction. It is therefore important that you try your best to understand her feelings, acknowledge her efforts and give her the time and space to change [7].
The final point to consider is whether or not there is a genuine risk of her cousins or brother-in-law being attracted to her if she does not wear the Niqab or of her falling into Zina. If so, then you should consider the best way to help her recognise and acknowledge the risk and the importance of taking precautions. But if not, then you may need to consider putting aside your opinion and Ghayrah in order to reconcile.
Remember the hadith of the Prophet s.a.w:
حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو كُرَيْبٍ، وَمُوسَى بْنُ حِزَامٍ، قَالاَ حَدَّثَنَا حُسَيْنُ بْنُ عَلِيٍّ، عَنْ زَائِدَةَ، عَنْ مَيْسَرَةَ الأَشْجَعِيِّ، عَنْ أَبِي حَازِمٍ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم “ اسْتَوْصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ، فَإِنَّ الْمَرْأَةَ خُلِقَتْ مِنْ ضِلَعٍ، وَإِنَّ أَعْوَجَ شَىْءٍ فِي الضِّلَعِ أَعْلاَهُ، فَإِنْ ذَهَبْتَ تُقِيمُهُ كَسَرْتَهُ، وَإِنْ تَرَكْتَهُ لَمْ يَزَلْ أَعْوَجَ، فَاسْتَوْصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ ”
Narrated Abu Hurairah r.a: Allah’s Messenger s.a.w said: “Treat women nicely, for the woman is created from a rib, and the most curved portion of the rib is its upper portion, so, if you should try to straighten it, it will break, but if you leave it as it is, it will remain bent. So, treat women nicely.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari 3331)
Your wife is correct in that there is no compulsion in Islam, so it is up to you to persuade her in the best manner you can and to do so with wisdom and kindness. However, no two people can agree on everything, and the very fact that men and women are different means that disagreement and conflict is inevitable. Thus, as the husband, you will need to accept that you will have to be the one to concede more often than not.
References:
[1] Surah An-Nur 31:
{ وَقُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنَاتِ يَغْضُضْنَ مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِنَّ وَيَحْفَظْنَ فُرُوجَهُنَّ وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا ۖ وَلْيَضْرِبْنَ بِخُمُرِهِنَّ عَلَىٰ جُيُوبِهِنَّ ۖ وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا لِبُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوْ آبَائِهِنَّ أَوْ آبَاءِ بُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوْ أَبْنَائِهِنَّ أَوْ أَبْنَاءِ بُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوْ إِخْوَانِهِنَّ أَوْ بَنِي إِخْوَانِهِنَّ أَوْ بَنِي أَخَوَاتِهِنَّ أَوْ نِسَائِهِنَّ أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُهُنَّ أَوِ التَّابِعِينَ غَيْرِ أُولِي الْإِرْبَةِ مِنَ الرِّجَالِ أَوِ الطِّفْلِ الَّذِينَ لَمْ يَظْهَرُوا عَلَىٰ عَوْرَاتِ النِّسَاءِ ۖ وَلَا يَضْرِبْنَ بِأَرْجُلِهِنَّ لِيُعْلَمَ مَا يُخْفِينَ مِن زِينَتِهِنَّ ۚ وَتُوبُوا إِلَى اللَّهِ جَمِيعًا أَيُّهَ الْمُؤْمِنُونَ لَعَلَّكُمْ تُفْلِحُونَ ۞}
Sahih Al-Bukhari 5232:
حَدَّثَنَا قُتَيْبَةُ بْنُ سَعِيدٍ، حَدَّثَنَا لَيْثٌ، عَنْ يَزِيدَ بْنِ أَبِي حَبِيبٍ، عَنْ أَبِي الْخَيْرِ، عَنْ عُقْبَةَ بْنِ عَامِرٍ، أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ” إِيَّاكُمْ وَالدُّخُولَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ ”. فَقَالَ رَجُلٌ مِنَ الأَنْصَارِ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ أَفَرَأَيْتَ الْحَمْوَ. قَالَ ” الْحَمْوُ الْمَوْتُ ”
Bahrur Raa’iq, vol. 8, pg. 219, Darul Kitabul Islamiyyah:
وَقَيَّدُوا جَوَازَ النَّظَرِ دُونَ الْمَسِّ عِنْدَ إرَادَةِ الزَّوْجِ إذَا كَانَتْ شَابَّةً تُشْتَهَى وَأَمَّا إذَا كَانَتْ عَجُوزًا لَا تُشْتَهَى فَلَا بَأْسَ بِمُصَافَحَتِهَا وَمَسِّ بَدَنِهَا لِانْعِدَامِ خَوْفِ الْفِتْنَةِ وَعَنْ أَبِي بَكْرٍ – رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ – أَنَّهُ كَانَ يُصَافِحُ الْعَجَائِزَ فَإِذَا كَانَ شَيْخًا يَأْمَنُ عَلَى نَفْسِهِ وَعَلَيْهَا يَحِلُّ لَهُ الْمُصَافَحَةُ وَإِنْ كَانَ لَا يَأْمَنُ عَلَيْهَا وَلَا عَلَى نَفْسِهِ لَا تَحِلُّ لَهُ مُصَافَحَتُهَا لِمَا فِيهِ مِنْ التَّعْرِيضِ لِلْفِتْنَةِ، فَحَاصِلُهُ أَنَّهُ يُشْتَرَطُ لِجَوَازِ الْمَسِّ أَنْ يَكُونَا كَبِيرَيْنِ مَأْمُونَيْنِ فِي رِوَايَةٍ وَفِي أُخْرَى يَكْفِي أَنْ يَكُونَ أَحَدُهُمَا مَأْمُونًا كَبِيرًا؛ لِأَنَّ أَحَدَهُمَا إذَا كَانَ لَا يُشْتَهَى لَا يَكُونُ اللَّمْسُ سَبَبًا لِلْوُقُوعِ فِي الْفِتْنَةِ
[2] Surah Al-Ahzab 59:
{ يَا أَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ قُل لِّأَزْوَاجِكَ وَبَنَاتِكَ وَنِسَاءِ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ يُدْنِينَ عَلَيْهِنَّ مِن جَلَابِيبِهِنَّ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ أَدْنَىٰ أَن يُعْرَفْنَ فَلَا يُؤْذَيْنَ ۗ وَكَانَ اللَّهُ غَفُورًا رَّحِيمًا ۞}
Bahrur Raa’iq, vol. 8, pg. 218, Darul Kitabul Islamiyyah:
فَالتَّقْدِيرُ لَا يَجُوزُ لَهُ النَّظَرُ مِنْ الْمَرْأَةِ إلَى غَيْرِ الْوَجْهِ وَكَفَّيْهَا فَقَدْ أَفَادَ مَنْعَ النَّظَرِ مِنْهَا غَيْرَ الْوَجْهِ وَكَفَّيْهَا لَا التَّحْرِيضَ فَتَدَبَّرْهُ وَاسْتَدَلَّ الشَّارِحُ عَلَى جَوَازِ النَّظَرِ إلَى مَا ذُكِرَ بِقَوْلِهِ تَعَالَى {وَلا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلا مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا} [النور: ٣١] قَالَ عَلِيٌّ وَابْنُ عَبَّاسٍ مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا الْكُحْلُ وَالْخَاتَمُ لَا الْوَجْهُ كُلُّهُ وَالْكَفُّ فَلَا يُفِيدُ الْمُدَّعَى فَتَأَمَّلْ وَالْأَصْلُ فِي هَذَا أَنَّ «الْمَرْأَةَ عَوْرَةٌ مَسْتُورَةٌ» لِقَوْلِهِ – عَلَيْهِ الصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامُ – «الْمَرْأَةُ عَوْرَةٌ مَسْتُورَةٌ إلَّا مَا اسْتَثْنَاهُ الشَّرْعُ وَهُمَا عُضْوَانِ»
Raddul Muhtar, vol. 1, pg. 405, Darul Fikr:
(وَلِلْحُرَّةِ) وَلَوْ خُنْثَى (جَمِيعُ بَدَنِهَا) حَتَّى شَعْرُهَا النَّازِلُ فِي الْأَصَحِّ (خَلَا الْوَجْهِ وَالْكَفَّيْنِ)
Raddul Muhtar, vol. 6, pg. 370, Darul Fikr:
(فَإِنْ خَافَ الشَّهْوَةَ) أَوْ شَكَّ (امْتَنَعَ نَظَرُهُ إلَى وَجْهِهَا) فَحِلُّ النَّظَرِ مُقَيَّدٌ بِعَدَمِ الشَّهْوَةِ وَإِلَّا فَحَرَامٌ وَهَذَا فِي زَمَانِهِمْ، وَأَمَّا فِي زَمَانِنَا فَمَنَعَ مِنْ الشَّابَّةِ قُهُسْتَانِيٌّ وَغَيْرُهُ
Raddul Muhtar, vol. 6, pg. 370, Darul Fikr:
(قَوْلُهُ مُقَيَّدٌ بِعَدَمِ الشَّهْوَةِ) قَالَ فِي التَّتَارْخَانِيَّة، وَفِي شَرْحِ الْكَرْخِيِّ النَّظَرُ إلَى وَجْهِ الْأَجْنَبِيَّةِ الْحُرَّةِ لَيْسَ بِحَرَامٍ، وَلَكِنَّهُ يُكْرَهُ لِغَيْرِ حَاجَةٍ اهـ وَظَاهِرُهُ الْكَرَاهَةُ وَلَوْ بِلَا شَهْوَةٍ (قَوْلُهُ وَإِلَّا فَحَرَامٌ) أَيْ إنْ كَانَ عَنْ شَهْوَةٍ حَرُمَ (قَوْلُهُ وَأَمَّا فِي زَمَانِنَا فَمُنِعَ مِنْ الشَّابَّةِ) لَا لِأَنَّهُ عَوْرَةٌ بَلْ لِخَوْفِ الْفِتْنَةِ
[3] Surah Al-Ahzab 32:
{ يَا نِسَاءَ النَّبِيِّ لَسْتُنَّ كَأَحَدٍ مِّنَ النِّسَاءِ ۚ إِنِ اتَّقَيْتُنَّ فَلَا تَخْضَعْنَ بِالْقَوْلِ فَيَطْمَعَ الَّذِي فِي قَلْبِهِ مَرَضٌ وَقُلْنَ قَوْلًا مَّعْرُوفًا ۞}
Bahrur Raa’iq, vol. 8, pg. 218, Darul Kitabul Islamiyyah:
(وَلَا يَنْظُرُ مَنْ اشْتَهَى إلَى وَجْهِهَا إلَّا الْحَاكِمَ وَالشَّاهِدَ وَيَنْظُرُ الطَّبِيبُ إلَى مَوْضِعِ مَرَضِهَا) وَالْأَصْلُ أَنَّهُ لَا يَجُوزُ أَنْ يَنْظُرَ إلَى وَجْهِ الْأَجْنَبِيَّةِ بِشَهْوَةٍ
Fatawa Hindiyyah, vol. 5, pg. 328, Darul Fikr:
وَلَكِنْ إنَّمَا يُبَاحُ النَّظَرُ إذَا كَانَ يَأْمَنُ عَلَى نَفْسِهِ الشَّهْوَةَ، فَأَمَّا إذَا كَانَ يَخَافُ عَلَى نَفْسِهِ الشَّهْوَةَ فَلَا يَحِلُّ لَهُ النَّظَرُ، وَكَذَلِكَ الْمَسُّ إنَّمَا يُبَاحُ لَهُ إذَا أَمِنَ عَلَى نَفْسِهِ وَعَلَيْهَا الشَّهْوَةَ، وَأَمَّا إذَا خَافَ عَلَى نَفْسِهِ أَوْ عَلَيْهَا الشَّهْوَةَ فَلَا يَحِلُّ الْمَسُّ لَهُ، وَلَا يَحِلُّ أَنْ يَنْظُرَ إلَى بَطْنِهَا أَوْ إلَى ظَهْرِهَا، وَلَا إلَى جَنْبِهَا، وَلَا يَمَسُّ شَيْئًا مِنْ ذَلِكَ
[4] Sunan Ibn Majah 1996:
حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ إِسْمَاعِيلَ، حَدَّثَنَا وَكِيعٌ، عَنْ شَيْبَانَ أَبِي مُعَاوِيَةَ، عَنْ يَحْيَى بْنِ أَبِي كَثِيرٍ، عَنْ أَبِي سَهْمٍ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ “ مِنَ الْغَيْرَةِ مَا يُحِبُّ اللَّهُ وَمِنْهَا مَا يَكْرَهُ اللَّهُ فَأَمَّا مَا يُحِبُّ فَالْغَيْرَةُ فِي الرِّيبَةِ وَأَمَّا مَا يَكْرَهُ فَالْغَيْرَةُ فِي غَيْرِ رِيبَةٍ ”
Sahih Al-Bukhari 7416:
حَدَّثَنَا مُوسَى بْنُ إِسْمَاعِيلَ، حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو عَوَانَةَ، حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ الْمَلِكِ، عَنْ وَرَّادٍ، كَاتِبِ الْمُغِيرَةِ عَنِ الْمُغِيرَةِ، قَالَ قَالَ سَعْدُ بْنُ عُبَادَةَ لَوْ رَأَيْتُ رَجُلاً مَعَ امْرَأَتِي لَضَرَبْتُهُ بِالسَّيْفِ غَيْرَ مُصْفَحٍ. فَبَلَغَ ذَلِكَ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالَ ” تَعْجَبُونَ مِنْ غَيْرَةِ سَعْدٍ، وَاللَّهِ لأَنَا أَغْيَرُ مِنْهُ، وَاللَّهُ أَغْيَرُ مِنِّي، وَمِنْ أَجْلِ غَيْرَةِ اللَّهِ حَرَّمَ الْفَوَاحِشَ مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا وَمَا بَطَنَ، وَلاَ أَحَدَ أَحَبُّ إِلَيْهِ الْعُذْرُ مِنَ اللَّهِ، وَمِنْ أَجْلِ ذَلِكَ بَعَثَ الْمُبَشِّرِينَ وَالْمُنْذِرِينَ وَلاَ أَحَدَ أَحَبُّ إِلَيْهِ الْمِدْحَةُ مِنَ اللَّهِ وَمِنْ أَجْلِ ذَلِكَ وَعَدَ اللَّهُ الْجَنَّةَ ”
[5] Jami’ At-Tirmidhi 1162:
حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو كُرَيْبٍ، مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ الْعَلاَءِ حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدَةُ بْنُ سُلَيْمَانَ، عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو، حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو سَلَمَةَ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم “ أَكْمَلُ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ إِيمَانًا أَحْسَنُهُمْ خُلُقًا وَخِيَارُكُمْ خِيَارُكُمْ لِنِسَائِهِمْ خُلُقًا ”
[6] Surah Luqman 14:
{ وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ ۞}
Surah Al-Ankabut 8:
{ وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حُسْنًا ۖ وَإِن جَاهَدَاكَ لِتُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا ۚ إِلَيَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ ۞}
[7] Surah Al Imran 159:
{ فَبِمَا رَحْمَةٍ مِّنَ اللَّهِ لِنتَ لَهُمْ ۖ وَلَوْ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ الْقَلْبِ لَانفَضُّوا مِنْ حَوْلِكَ ۖ فَاعْفُ عَنْهُمْ وَاسْتَغْفِرْ لَهُمْ وَشَاوِرْهُمْ فِي الْأَمْرِ ۖ فَإِذَا عَزَمْتَ فَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ الْمُتَوَكِّلِينَ ۞}
And only Allah s.w.t knows best.
Written by Maulana Yusuf Badshah
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
