Fatwa ID: 08556
Answered by Alimah Humairah Badshah
Question:
Last year sometime, me and my husband got into a very big argument. It got to the point where i was saying to him “end it with me/divorce me” along the lines of that. He then said to me “I’m leaving you” a few times in one go. I spoke to a scholar (from your institute if i remember correctly) in regards to this matter. Me and my husband met him in person and both said what we needed to say. My husband had said that he did not even remember saying it and that it would have meant he is leaving the room/leaving the conversation/leaving my presence (along the lines of that). He said he did not intend divorce. The scholar gave the ruling that our marriage is still intact and divorce has not occurred and that i should not fuel my ocd thoughts. I went about my life after that until a few nights ago i randomly woke up and that scenario was the first thought that hit me randomly. I have not thought about that incident in months. Now im thinking how did my husband not remember saying it but said it meant ‘im leaving the room’. I am also asking myself if i gave all the information correctly that time when we spoke to the scholar.
I bought this previous incident up to my husband again and asked him if at any point in our marriage, including when he said ‘im leaving you’ several times, did he intend divorce. His reply was “no”. He also said that he was very heated at that time and could not remember saying it. He said that when i told him he said that he had to ask himself “did i say that”. He said when i told him what he said, he realised that he said something for a fact he did not mean. He basically said he meant anything apart from divorce (which was what he meant by saying when he said it meant that ‘im leaving the room/your presence’).
I have also suffered from waswasa/ocd for a few years. Since i was about 17 or 18 I’d say. It got quite bad but i learnt to manage it for the most part.
I know that allusive words are based on intention and he said he did not intend divorce and the scholar already confirmed that our marriage was still fine and intact.
I also know i am being foolish and allowing the waswasa to take over again but can you give me some clarity on this once more please for my sanity. Is our marriage still intact?
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
The previous ruling which you have mentioned would have been based on sound reasoning and the evidence provided. There is no reason to doubt the ruling, especially since no new facts have emerged regarding the incident. You should continue upon the understanding and the fatwa which you were given, ie: that no divorces occurred, and not let baseless suspicions and waswasa unsettle you or disturb your marriage.
It may be helpful for you to keep in mind that the issuance of divorce and the intentions behind certain wordings are the responsibility of your husband, and therefore not something you need to feel worried or guilty over. You should believe your husband in his explanation of his intentions, as such things are between him and Allah.
If you regularly find yourself plagued by these concerns to the extent that they affect your daily life, it may be advisable for you to seek the service of a qualified Muslim mental health professional to help you manage your fears and anxieties in a healthy manner.
References:
لِأَنَّ قَطْعَ الْوَسْوَسَةِ وَاجِبٌ
Badaai’ Al-Sanaai’ (Daar Al-Kutub Al-‘Ilmiyyah, https://shamela.ws) v.1 p.21
وَالسَّبِيلُ فِي الْوَسْوَسَةِ قَطْعُهَا؛ لِأَنَّهُ لَوْ اشْتَغَلَ بِذَلِكَ لَأَدَّى إلَى أَنْ يَتَفَرَّعَ لِأَدَاءِ الصَّلَاةِ، وَهَذَا لَا يَجُوزُ
Badaai’ Al-Sanaai’ (Daar Al-Kutub Al-‘Ilmiyyah, https://shamela.ws) v.1 p.33
الْفَصْلُ الْخَامِسُ فِي الْكِنَايَاتِ) لَا يَقَعُ بِهَا الطَّلَاقُ إلَّا بِالنِّيَّةِ أَوْ بِدَلَالَةِ حَالٍ
Al-Fataawa Al-Hindiyyah (Daar Al-Fikr, https://shamela.ws) v.1 p.374
وَفِي حَالَةِ الْغَضَبِ يُصَدَّقُ فِي جَمِيعِ ذَلِكَ لِاحْتِمَالِ الرَّدِّ وَالسَّبِّ إلَّا فِيمَا يَصْلُحُ لِلطَّلَاقِ وَلَا يَصْلُحُ لِلرَّدِّ وَالشَّتْمِ
Al-Fataawa Al-Hindiyyah (Daar Al-Fikr, https://shamela.ws) v.1 p.375
امْرَأَةٌ قَالَتْ لِزَوْجِهَا أَنَا بَرِيئَةٌ مِنْك فَقَالَ الزَّوْجُ أَنَا بَرِيءٌ مِنْك أَيْضًا فَقَالَتْ اُنْظُرْ مَاذَا تَقُولُ فَقَالَ مَا نَوَيْت الطَّلَاقَ لَا يَقَعُ الطَّلَاقُ لِعَدَمِ النِّيَّةِ
Al-Fataawa Al-Hindiyyah (Daar Al-Fikr, https://shamela.ws) v.1 p.376
Only Allah knows best
Written by Alimah Humairah Badshah
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
