Evil thoughts about my mother when I am near her

CategoriesMarriage [657]

Fatwa ID: 01340

Answered by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah


I am 30 years old and recently married; I regularly do sexual intercourse with my wife.  Is lust=erection (hardness on my private parts), in my case?   I am asking because evil thoughts come in my mind when I am near my mother, I see pleasure but there is no erection and she touches me for giving anything and I have to take it. I am sure she doesn’t have any bad thoughts with me. I try to divert my mind or control my nerves while taking. 



In the name of Allah, the most Beneficent, the most Merciful.

Your situation falls into two broad issues, which I am Insha Allah going to deal with individually.

Illicit sexual relationship is a major sin. The books of Ahadith are full of the severe punishment that will be given to those who commit these acts. However, this sin greatly intensifies when those acts are committed with one’s mother, sister or daughter, because it is severing the ties of kinship and an act of aggression against those with whom we are enjoined to uphold ties of kinship.

According to the majority of the scholars, if a person commits adultery with ones own daughter who is a sane, mature Muslim and is married to a spouse who is also a sane, mature Muslim and that marriage is consummated, then the legal punishment is that he will be stoned to death.  (Raddul Muhtar p.13 v.6)

Saaiduna Ibn Abbas raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) narrates that the Prophet of Allah ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said ‘Whoever has intercourse with a Mahram relative, kill him’. (Sunan Abi Dawud)

In another hadith, Saaiduna IbnAbbas raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) narrates that the messenger of Allah ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said ‘Kill the one who commits the action of the people of Lut, and the one to whom it is done and the animal and the one who has sex with that animal, and whoever has sex with a Mahram, kill him.’  (Musnad Ahmad)

However, it should be borne in mind that this punishment can only be carried out in an Islamic state and not in countries, which do not come under the jurisdiction of an Islamic state. (Fatawa Darul Uloom Deobond p.178 v.11)

The second issue here is with regards to the concept of Hurmat Musaaharat. Hurmat Musaaharat is a law of Shariah that forbids specific men from marrying specific women.  This law applies when there has been lawful and unlawful contact between a man and a woman (intentionally or unintentionally) with certain conditions laid down by the Shariah.  These conditions are:

  • When lawful intercourse takes place (through marriage) or unlawful intercourse (adultery and fornication) – with the condition that both the boy and the girl are mature or one is close to maturity (the girl should not be less that nine years of age and boy should not be less than twelve years).

Intercourse in the state of menstruation or post natal bleeding will have the same outcome of Hurmat Musaaharah.

  • If there is lust in either the mature or close to mature boy or girl when they make physical contact (touching, kissing etc either through lawful means such as marriage or an unlawful way like adultery or fornication) with no cloth in between or there is a cloth in between but it is so thin that the body heat can be felt through it.
  • If a male looks at the inner part of a females’ vulva with lust or a female looks at a males’ private part with lust even though there may not be an erection in the male at the time when the female is not looking (this looking can be either through a lawful means or an unlawful means) and both the male and the female are mature or close to maturity the Hurmat Musaaharah will apply.

Definition of Lust

  • If erection occurs in a male when physical contact is made or if erection increases when erection had already occurred prior to physical contact.
  • If erection does not occur in a male due to health reasons or old age, then if lust occurs in the males heart at the time of physical contact. 
  • If lust occurs in a female’s heart when physical contact is made and it was not present prior to physical contact.  If lust was present prior to physical contact and it increases when physical contact is made.
  • It is not necessary that both persons experience lust when physical contact is made.  Lust in either the male or the female will be sufficient for Hurmat Musaaharah.  (Raddul Muhtar p.107-p.114 v.4 & Hurmatul-Musaaharah p.7-p.9)

With regards to your situation it will be ideal that you try to refrain from those situations which may entail you to touch your mother’s hand or arm etc… because of there being a danger that you may feel lust at the time of touching which will render her marriage with your father to be broken.

From the facts of the case we can clearly say based on the rulings written above that when she touched you and you did not feel an erection, hurmat musaharah has not occurred. 

In the mean time to stop these evil thoughts from escalating try staying away from things, which are causing to have these evil thoughts. For example, free mixing gatherings, television, newspapers and magazines displaying indecent and shameless images. Pray to Allah (SWA) to protect you from Shaitans waswasas and whispers and be punctual in worshipping Allah and steadfast in obeying his commands.

Only Allah Knows Best

Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham.

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