Fatwa ID: 06046
Answered by: Maulana Mohammed Dilwar Hussain
Question:
I would like to know what is the best practice to get to know a potential spouse. I have found a revert sister for potential marriage, and since her family isn’t Muslim, I thought the best thing to do would be to meet and get to know her in the home of a close friend of mine and his wife. Is the Islamically valid?
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
Mā Shā Allāh, it is great that you are looking to get married and the fact that it is to a revert sister is praiseworthy. May Allāh Ta’ālā make the searching process easier for you and grant you a wife the likes of the wives of the Prophet ﷺ. Ameen.
The Prophet ﷺ said, “A man is not alone with a woman but the third of them is Ash-Shaitan.” [Extraction from a lengthier Hadith of Sunan At-Tirmizi; Hadith 2165] [1]
From this Hadith, we understand the great level of caution Allāh Ta’ālā has placed on us to protect us from falling prey to the whims of shaytaan.
The Messenger of Allāh ﷺ also said, “When Allah causes a man to propose to a woman, there is nothing wrong with him seeing her.” [Sunan An-Nasā’i; Hadith 1864] [2]
The Messenger of Allāh ﷺ said to him: “O Ali! Three are not to be delayed: Salat when it is due, the funeral when it is presented, and (marriage) for the single woman when someone compatible is found.” [Sunan At-Tirmizi; Hadith 1075] [3]
The Prophet ﷺ said, “A woman is married for four things, i.e.; her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser.” [Sunan Al-Bukhari; Hadith 5090] [4]
These Hadith teach us what we should be looking for in a potential spouse and how is the best manner in which to go about it.
The method which you have suggested would be correct.
Only Allāh knows best.
Written by Maulana Mohammed Dilwar Hussain
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
[1]حَدَّثَنَا أَحْمَدُ بْنُ مَنِيعٍ، حَدَّثَنَا النَّضْرُ بْنُ إِسْمَاعِيلَ أَبُو الْمُغِيرَةِ، عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ سُوقَةَ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ دِينَارٍ، عَنِ ابْنِ عُمَرَ، قَالَ خَطَبَنَا عُمَرُ بِالْجَابِيَةِ فَقَالَ يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ إِنِّي قُمْتُ فِيكُمْ كَمَقَامِ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فِينَا فَقَالَ “ أُوصِيكُمْ بِأَصْحَابِي ثُمَّ الَّذِينَ يَلُونَهُمْ ثُمَّ الَّذِينَ يَلُونَهُمْ ثُمَّ يَفْشُو الْكَذِبُ حَتَّى يَحْلِفَ الرَّجُلُ وَلاَ يُسْتَحْلَفُ وَيَشْهَدَ الشَّاهِدُ وَلاَ يُسْتَشْهَدُ أَلاَ لاَ يَخْلُوَنَّ رَجُلٌ بِامْرَأَةٍ إِلاَّ كَانَ ثَالِثَهُمَا الشَّيْطَانُ عَلَيْكُمْ بِالْجَمَاعَةِ وَإِيَّاكُمْ وَالْفُرْقَةَ فَإِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ مَعَ الْوَاحِدِ وَهُوَ مِنَ الاِثْنَيْنِ أَبْعَدُ مَنْ أَرَادَ بُحْبُوحَةَ الْجَنَّةِ فَلْيَلْزَمِ الْجَمَاعَةَ مَنْ سَرَّتْهُ حَسَنَتُهُ وَسَاءَتْهُ سَيِّئَتُهُ فَذَلِكَ الْمُؤْمِنُ ” . قَالَ أَبُو عِيسَى هَذَا حَدِيثٌ حَسَنٌ صَحِيحٌ غَرِيبٌ مِنْ هَذَا الْوَجْهِ وَقَدْ رَوَاهُ ابْنُ الْمُبَارَكِ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ سُوقَةَ وَقَدْ رُوِيَ هَذَا الْحَدِيثُ مِنْ غَيْرِ وَجْهٍ عَنْ عُمَرَ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم .
[2]حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو بَكْرِ بْنُ أَبِي شَيْبَةَ، حَدَّثَنَا حَفْصُ بْنُ غِيَاثٍ، عَنْ حَجَّاجٍ، عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ سُلَيْمَانَ، عَنْ عَمِّهِ، سَهْلِ بْنِ أَبِي حَثْمَةَ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ مَسْلَمَةَ، قَالَ خَطَبْتُ امْرَأَةً فَجَعَلْتُ أَتَخَبَّأُ لَهَا حَتَّى نَظَرْتُ إِلَيْهَا فِي نَخْلٍ لَهَا فَقِيلَ لَهُ أَتَفْعَلُ هَذَا وَأَنْتَ صَاحِبُ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ فَقَالَ سَمِعْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ يَقُولُ “ إِذَا أَلْقَى اللَّهُ فِي قَلْبِ امْرِئٍ خِطْبَةَ امْرَأَةٍ فَلاَ بَأْسَ أَنْ يَنْظُرَ إِلَيْهَا ” .
[3]حَدَّثَنَا قُتَيْبَةُ، حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ وَهْبٍ، عَنْ سَعِيدِ بْنِ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ الْجُهَنِيِّ، عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عُمَرَ بْنِ عَلِيِّ بْنِ أَبِي طَالِبٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ عَلِيِّ بْنِ أَبِي طَالِبٍ، أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ لَهُ “ يَا عَلِيُّ ثَلاَثٌ لاَ تُؤَخِّرْهَا الصَّلاَةُ إِذَا آنَتْ وَالْجَنَازَةُ إِذَا حَضَرَتْ وَالأَيِّمُ إِذَا وَجَدْتَ لَهَا كُفْؤًا ” . قَالَ أَبُو عِيسَى هَذَا حَدِيثٌ غَرِيبٌ وَمَا أَرَى إِسْنَادَهُ بِمُتَّصِلٍ .
[4]حَدَّثَنَا مُسَدَّدٌ، حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى، عَنْ عُبَيْدِ اللَّهِ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنِي سَعِيدُ بْنُ أَبِي سَعِيدٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ “ تُنْكَحُ الْمَرْأَةُ لأَرْبَعٍ لِمَالِهَا وَلِحَسَبِهَا وَجَمَالِهَا وَلِدِينِهَا، فَاظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ الدِّينِ تَرِبَتْ يَدَاكَ ”.
