Fatwa ID: 07843
Written by Alimah Shireen Mangera-Badat
Question:
I agreed to do a wedding party (Walima) in Morocco around February 24. I am from the UK.
Circumstances have changed as my mother’s health is deteriorating. she is on oxygen 24/7 and cannot be left alone.
I am the only son who cares for her for more than 30 minutes than the others.
I have suggested to my wife that we delay the wedding party towards the end of the year or possibly next year when we may be in a better position and apply for a visa as I need support to look after my mother and the house.
Also, my wife needs time to save and refused a loan from me as it’s a woman’s walima, not the groom’s side.
It has been blown out of context as if I completely reject having a wedding party.
My wife’s mother insists on having a wedding party before her daughter leaves Morroco.
It will take 1 year and 6 months to 2 years for my wife to save for the wedding party due to her low income there.
Is this an excessive time to wait for a husband and wife to be together?
What is the ruling on:-
1. The Wedding Party (Walima). Already had an engagement party, nikah ceremony and Eid celebration.
2. Delaying marriage relations of the husband and wife. Do I have a right to say to my wife I will be with you in 5 years’ time due to work commitments or a business abroad?
3. Am I obligated to carry out my mother in laws wishes? Obligated to adhere to Moroccan traditions?
4. My own mother insists her daughter-in-law should come over as soon as possible to be with her husband and start a new life and build and do the party later on when set.
5. Does my wife need to respect and adhere to her new mother-in-law?
6. Is delaying a wedding party a valid reason for divorce?
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
In answer to your first question: The Wedding Party (Walima). Already had engagement party, nikah ceremony and eid celebration…
The walima is a sunnah act that can be completed at any time even if it’s complete with one sheep as stated in hadith- “ …….. The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “May Allah bestow His Blessing on you (in your marriage). Give a wedding banquet, (Walima) even with one sheep.” (Sahih al-Bukhari 6386).
Your walima does not define the continuity of your marriage, since you have stipulated that you have already had a nikah ceremony.
Question 2: Delaying marriage relations of husband and wife. Do I have a right to say to my wife I will be with you in 5 year’s time due to work commitments or business abroad?
After the Nikah, the husband and wife have a mutual right to live together and fulfil marital relations. Prolonged separation without valid reasons could lead to dissatisfaction and potentially harm the marriage.
Marriage was ordained by Allah so that you both may find peace within each other “And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy” ( Surah Rum:21)
In this instance, you may find that you have to compromise, rather than leaving a prolonged absence between the two of you as husband and wife.
The purpose of marriage is companionship and mercy, which cannot be achieved in long separations.
Question 3: Am I obligated to carry out my mother in laws wishes? Obligated to adhere to Moroccan traditions?
Question 4– 4. My own mother insists her daughter-in-law should come over as soon as possible to be with her husband and start a new life and build and do the party later when set
You are not Islamically obligated to adhere to traditions or family pressures if they impose undue hardship or contradict Islamic principles. Your primary obligations are to Allah and your immediate family (wife and mother).
In your situation, this is for your mother which has great reward and is more deserving of your service.
It is mentioned in the hadith- narrated by Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:
A person came to the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) and asked, “Who among people is most deserving of my fine treatment?” He (ﷺ) said, “Your mother”. He again asked, ”Who next?” “Your mother”, the Prophet (ﷺ) replied again. He asked, “Who next?” He (the Prophet (ﷺ)) said again, “Your mother.” He again asked, “Then who?” Thereupon he (ﷺ) said,” Then your father.”
In another narration: “O Messenger of Allah! Who is most deserving of my fine treatment?” He (ﷺ) said, “Your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father, then your nearest, then nearest”. (Riyadus Saliheen, 316)
But to keep good family relations, try again to compromise by explaining your situation. You may find that it is easier to agree.
With regard’s to bringing your wife over, this would be the sensible action to pursue, as it would help you fulfil your wife’s duties as well as your mother’s.
The Quran has declared that you are a garment for each other (Surah Baqarah:187) This means that the Almighty has advised each of you to be supportive and caring for one another, just as a garment protects you from the outer barriers, each of you are a protection for one another.
Question 5: Does my wife need to respect and adhere to her new mother-in-law’s
While a wife is not obligated to serve her in-laws, showing kindness and respect to them is encouraged as part of good character.
It is encouraged that she should keep good relations with the family as it is encouraged in hadith:
She reported God’s Messenger as saying, “The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family. When one of you dies speak no ill of him. (Mishkat al-Masabih 3252, 3253)
Question 6: Delaying a wedding party a valid reason for divorce?
Delaying or forgoing a wedding party is not a valid reason for divorce in Islam. Divorce should only be sought if there are irreconcilable differences or harm in the marriage.
one should understand that Divorce is not a trivial matter and should not be thought of lightly.
It is said in hadith: narrated from ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar that:
The Messenger of Allah said: “The most hated of permissible things to Allah is divorce. “Sunan Ibn Majah 2018.
In conclusion, it would be advisable that you try and seek a compromise with your new family about the situation you are in, it would be beneficial for your sake and your wife’s sake to have her come over. And try not to prolong the absence between your wife and yourself.
Only Allah knows best.
Written by Alimah Shireen Mangera-Badat
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
حَدَّثَنَا مُسَدَّدٌ، حَدَّثَنَا حَمَّادُ بْنُ زَيْدٍ، عَنْ ثَابِتٍ، عَنْ أَنَسٍ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ قَالَ رَأَى النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم عَلَى عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنِ عَوْفٍ أَثَرَ صُفْرَةٍ فَقَالَ ” مَهْيَمْ ”. أَوْ ” مَهْ ”. قَالَ تَزَوَّجْتُ امْرَأَةً عَلَى وَزْنِ نَوَاةٍ مِنْ ذَهَبٍ. فَقَالَ ” بَارَكَ اللَّهُ لَكَ أَوْلِمْ وَلَوْ بِشَاةٍ
وَمِنْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًۭا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةًۭ وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ لَـَٔايَـٰتٍۢ لِّقَوْمٍۢ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
وعنه رضي الله عنه قال: جاء رجل إلى رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم فقال: يا رسول الله من أحق الناس بحسن صحابتي؟ قال: ” أمك” قال: ثم من؟ قال: ” أمك” قال: ثم من؟ قال: ”أمك” قال: ثم من؟ قال: ” أبوك” ((متفق عليه)).
وفي رواية: يارسول الله من أحق بحسن الصحبة؟ قال: ” أمك، ثم أمك، ثم أمك، ثم أباك، ثم أدناك أدناك”
https://sunnah.com/riyadussalihin:316
هُنَّ لِبَاسٌۭ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌۭ لَّهُنَّ ۗ……….
وَعَنْهَا قَالَتْ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِي وَإِذَا مَاتَ صَاحِبُكُمْ فَدَعُوهُ» . رَوَاهُ التِّرْمِذِيُّ. والدارمي
وَرَوَاهُ ابْنُ مَاجَهْ عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ إِلَى قَوْله: «لأهلي
دَّثَنَا كَثِيرُ بْنُ عُبَيْدٍ الْحِمْصِيُّ، حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ خَالِدٍ، عَنْ عُبَيْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ الْوَلِيدِ الْوَصَّافِيِّ، عَنْ مُحَارِبِ بْنِ دِثَارٍ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عُمَرَ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ “ أَبْغَضُ الْحَلاَلِ إِلَى اللَّهِ الطَّلاَقُ
