Fatwa ID: 08773
Answered by Alimah Saleha Bukhari Islam
Question:
Previously I had asked a question here regarding having a crush and how to advise them as they were my classmate, at one point I taught them and also my teacher’s daughter. If relevant those fatwa ids were 07578 and 0765.
Now she will come over to my house to study for university admissions under my elder sister. The thing is she wears hijab but not properly, also had boyfriends and what not. I wish for her to become better because after knowing her, I feel sorry for her because she has some problems with her family and stuff that I also had and made me depressed. Alhamdulillah I came out of that, but I don’t know how to get my sister to exhort her. I am confused whether I actually want good for her too or is it because of the crush?
I have been studying fiqh in BD and also on an online platform and I feel like a hypocrite for feeling these things and feeling as though I should personally give the advice because I can relate to it, but at the same time I dont know if that’s impermissible interaction or not? And also with regards to my sister, she says she will advice her but at the same time because she doesn’t know the depths of it, it is not as broad as it should be, how do I deal with these thoughts.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
May Allah bless you for your honesty and sincerity. Your concern for your ex-classmate’s improvement and your awareness of your inner thoughts are signs of a heart that fears Allah and wants to do right. This is not hypocrisy, but a reflection of your faith and self-awareness.
However, it is not appropriate for you to advise her directly since she is a non-mahram, and even well-intentioned interactions can easily lead to emotional entanglements and unintended fitnah. The following hadith highlights this:
“A man is not alone with a woman but the Shaytan is the third among them.”
[Narrated by Tirmidhi] [1]
This applies even if the conversation is religious in nature, because Shaytan may enter subtly.
Abandoning doubtful matters aligns with the Fiqh principle of “blocking the means” (Sadd al-Dharāi), for they lead to what is unlawful, and whatever is a means should be abandoned unless the benefit of doing it outweighs. Since she will be studying under your sister, the best way to help is to support your sister privately with insights and guidance she can share with her. This keeps your efforts halal, wise, and sincere. Islamic boundaries are intended to protect one from such entanglements and fitnah. [2]
If you truly care for her for the sake of Allah, then make dua for her guidance and healing. Sometimes, sincere duas carries more power than kind or comforting words, because it is kindness and comfort sent through you, but through the Almighty Allah.
Feeling drawn to someone’s pain is a natural human response but the path of the sincere believer is to guard their emotions while still wishing only good for the other person, purely for the sake of Allah. The path of the sincere believer is mentioned in the Quran:
“Indeed, those who fear Allah are those who, when an evil thought touches them from Shaytan, they remember [Allah], and at once they have insight.”
[Surah al-Araf 7:201] [3]
This describes someone who may feel a temptation or confusion but turns back to Allah with self-awareness and correction. Nevertheless, if your feelings grow stronger and you see genuine potential for something more, then it is honourable and encouraged to pursue the matter within Islamic boundaries such as involving your family and approaching the path of nikah with dignity. Islam does not suppress the emergence of love, rather it elevates it and protects it.
Avoid direct emotional or advisory involvement with a non-mahram. Support her through appropriate and halal channels, protect your heart, and if you believe this may be something more, take the steps toward marriage in a respectful and Shariah-compliant way. This is the behaviour of someone who truly wants good for another and for their own soul.
References:
[1] ٣١١٨ -[٢١] (صَحِيح)
وَعَنْ عُمَرَ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ: «لَا يَخْلُوَنَّ رَجُلٌ بِامْرَأَةٍ إِلَّا كَانَ ثالثهما الشَّيْطَان» . رَوَاهُ التِّرْمِذِيّ
ص935 – كتاب مشكاة المصابيح – الفصل الثاني – المكتبة الشاملة
[2] وبيَّن أنّ حِمَى الله تعالى محارمُه التي حرَّمها، وفي هذا ما دلَّ على أن الشبهات لا تخفى على جميع الناس، بل كسبهم من غير الحَلال منها من الحرام. ومن تبين له ذلك فأخذ الحلال وترك الحرام لم يكن ممن وقع في الشبهات، وإنما الذي يقع فيها من لم يتبين له أحلالٌ هي أم حرام. وفيه ما دلَّ على أن شريعتَه في ترك الشبهات يتضمن سدَّ الذريعة، فإنها داعية إلى الحرام، وما كان ذريعة يترك، إلاّ إذا كان مصلحة فِعلُه راجح.
ص45 – كتاب جامع المسائل ابن تيمية ط عطاءات العلم – الكلام على الورع المشروع – المكتبة الشاملة
[3] ﴿إِنَّ الَّذِينَ اتَّقَوْا إِذَا مَسَّهُمْ طَائِفٌ مِّنَ الشَّيْطَانِ تَذَكَّرُوا فَإِذَا هُم مُّبْصِرُونَ﴾
[ الأعراف: 201]
Only Allah (عز و جل) knows best.
Written by Alimah Saleha Bukhari Islam
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
