Fatwa ID: 01404
Answered by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
I am a 22year old woman, couple of years ago I studied with someone which I will refer to as Jamil who is 26. Me and Jamil feel compartible and suitable to get married. We have both prayed salat ul Istikharah on many occassion and we both feel that we want to be married to each other. We both initially informed our mothers who spoke and were happy with the arrangement, I met Jamil's sister who I have got to know and become good friends with. It was decided to inform Jamil's father and not mine just yet until Jamil's father would call to propose. Once Jamil informed his father, he listened to what Jamil had to say but refused to take the matter further. Jamil continued speaking to his father but his father was still reluctant to go ahead with the proposal and keeps repeating "if you are meant to be married to her you will" and does not allow Jamil to talk, it has now been nearly 1 year since he first spoke with his father. His main reason for refusing are: 1) we are not from the same country/ family 2) Jamil is too young (hence his age of 26years) 3) Jamil needs to finish university which is in 3 years time then think about marriage after that 4) I may bring hardship for Jamil later in life because the father knows someone who was married to someone from my country before and the marriage did not work This has had so much effect on me and Jamil mentally and emotionally because we have been patient for so long. We just want to do what is right for us according to islam and the sunnah. Please advice us according to the teaching of Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) and the Quran as to how to move forward from this situation and how to get Jamil's father to support us, so then my father can be informed and things start to forward.
In the name of Allah, the most Beneficent, the most Merciful.
First and foremost you should stop all types of communication and connection with this brother, as he is unlawful for you until the marriage is done. You should not think or contemplate a future with him until the marriage is done. This is nothing but Satan trying to lead you astray. Allah has said, "Verily Satan is an enemy to you: so treat him as an enemy. He only invites his adherents that they may become Companions of the Blazing Fire." (Surah Fatir v.6)
If you really want to marry this brother, you will need to go about things in a correct manner, which includes getting both your parents and family involved.
Regarding your question, it is impermissible and sheer arrogance to stop the brother to marry this sister because she is not from the same family as him. Islam is totally against asabiyah and tribalism.
Allah in the Holy Quran has said:
“O Mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know each other. Verily, the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) most rightness of you” (Surah Hujuraat v.13)
My sincere advice will be is try to get some of your family members involved, be it your father or elder brother or any one respectable in the community like the local Imam and see whether they can persuade the father to agree to this marriage.
In the mean time, as mentioned above, if you really want Allah blessings and the marriage to happen then please for your sake stop all communications with this brother. If you do really need to communicate with him then it should either be done through a third party or by email. Also continue praying the Istikharah Salah.
Only Allah Knows Best
Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham