Fatwa ID: 07971

 

Answered by Alimah Shireen Mangera-Badat

 

Question:

 

I was wondering when you can disobey your parents. My parents don’t want me to wake up early. They don’t want me to go to mosque class. They kicked off when I wanted to move to a different uni accommodation closer to a mosque. I am suffering a lot when I follow their instructions. If I wake up later, I can’t get as many things done and I will fall behind. I also have less time for Quran and adhkar. I’m one of the only Muslims at my uni and it is hard and I’m struggling. Please give me some leeway on parental instructions because it is causing me a lot of suffering to listen to ideas, I know will harm me answer coherently from Hanafi fiqh

 

 

 

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

 

 

Answer:

 

It is widely recognized that obedience to parents is of utmost importance, as the Quran consistently emphasizes the need for mankind to follow this principle

 

“And We have commanded people to ˹honour˺ their parents. Their mothers bore them through hardship upon hardship, and their weaning takes two years. So be grateful to Me and your parents. To Me is the final return.” (Surah Lukman:14)[1]

 

In the same verse of Surah Luqman, Allah has also stated that if they are asking you to disobey Allah then there is no obedience in that; “But if they pressure you to associate with Me what you have no knowledge of,¹ do not obey them. Still keep their company in this world courteously and follow the way of those who turn to Me ˹in devotion˺. Then to Me you will ˹all˺ return, and then I will inform you of what you used to do.[2]

 

Any actions that merit disobedience to Allah, then no obedience is necessary.[3]

 

Therefore, in your situation, seeking knowledge of deen is an obligation, particularly when it is necessary for your spiritual survival.

 

If attending your mosque class is a source of essential knowledge and spiritual strength, you have a right to attend, even of your parents disapprove.

 

If following their instructions is causing you significant harm, whether physical, mental or spiritual, you may disobey them while still showing respect and kindness in your approach to the issue. For example, if waking up later or being distant from a mosque is adversely affecting your faith and mental health, you can prioritise your well-being.

 

With regards to moving closer to a mosque for ease of worship is a legitimate reason, especially if it helps you maintain your faith in a challenging environment, if you are not cutting of ties with your parents and are ensuring your needs are met responsibly, this would be permissible.

 

You must try and remember that you avoid unnecessary conflict at the same time.

 

 

Only Allah knows best.

Written by Alimah Shireen Mangera-Badat

Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham

 

 

 

[1] وَوَصَّيْنَا ٱلْإِنسَـٰنَ بِوَٰلِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُۥ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍۢ وَفِصَـٰلُهُۥ فِى عَامَيْنِ أَنِ ٱشْكُرْ لِى وَلِوَٰلِدَيْكَ إِلَىَّ ٱلْمَصِيرُ

 

[2] وَإِن جَـٰهَدَاكَ عَلَىٰٓ أَن تُشْرِكَ بِى مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِۦ عِلْمٌۭ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا ۖ وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِى ٱلدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًۭا ۖ وَٱتَّبِعْ سَبِيلَ مَنْ أَنَابَ إِلَىَّ ۚ ثُمَّ إِلَىَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ

 

[3] وإن كان مع الرجل الذي يريد أن يعينه أبواه فنهياه عن ذلك، فليس ينبغي له أن يطيعهما، ولا يسعهما أن يمنعاه إلا أن يكون به قوة عليه، فإن كان كذلك فليطعهما، وإنما ينبغي طاعة الوالدين في التطوع الذي يسع تركه، فنفاذ برهما أفضل من الجهاد التطوع، فإذا جاءت الفريضة والأمر الذي لا يسع الرجل فيه إلا أن … لم يلتفت في هذا إلى طاعة الوالدين، وكانت طاعة الله تعالى أحقّ أن يؤخذ بها من طاعة الوالدين.

ص394 – كتاب المحيط البرهاني – الفصل التاسع والعشرون في القرض ما يكره من ذلك وما لا يكره – المكتبة الشاملة