How to deal with stress and difficulty after a divorce

Fatwa ID: 02860

Answered by:  Maulana Imran Mughal​

Question:

Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah

I just got married and we both were living happy life ALLAH knows there wasn't such massive issue in between us which was impossible to resolve. But we were not given time to spend with each other my wife works with her parents and from the day we landed in the UK she went to work I never had problems with her work but it was getting too much for her and it was affecting her mental health when I asked them to give us some time off but they didn't like the idea.

One day they took her daughter to their house and after that, I never saw my wife again.  Very next day they asked to divorce her. Over 60 days I waited for them to send her back but they never did and we both lost contact as well. As in her house, her mom is the one who rules over everyone I tried to talk to her and request her many times to resolve the situation but they never wanted.

They started threatening me and forcing me to divorce her. When I said I don't want they said that this relationship is over anyway even you say or you don't say it as I didn't even have proof of my nikah they never gave me the certificate.

For 60 days I tried my level best that I can stop them about asking for a divorce but they didn't agree at all there wasn't any contact with my wife at all & she never ever said to me that she wanted a divorce from me.

I went to solicitors to get help but I didn't even have proof of nikah. When I asked to get help to get my all degrees documents visa paper etc from that house they were unable to help as I didn't have any single proof of address to proof that I lived in that house. My in-laws never gave me keys of the postal box outside the house. I never ever imagined why they were not giving me keys but the situation was just against me.

They were threatening to deport me and accuse me that I abused her and put me in jail or call the police . it was getting worst every single day. I had a lot of debt on my name as I got it for my wedding and visa extension & if they really do what they been saying for 2 months then really my life was in serious trouble as no one in the family would be able to pay that debt. Plus, my all important documents were in that house like Passport my visa my degrees certificate every single thing and if they burnt or bin them my life would be over. My dad is heart patient and they were in Pakistan I didn't want them to hear this all stuff but I was worried all the time that if they finish my all document ill be ending up in jail in the UK and also in Pakistan.

One day I went to an alim for help to request her parents to sit together and resolve the matter when that alim rang to speak to them they said No to Alim Sahib. Next day alim rang me and told me that they rang him in my absence & he went to their house without me and came back & said same threat to me they are going to complain about you and deport you its better if you finish the relationship that was my hope that he might help to let us sit together but ALLAH knows what they told him I was really worried about my documents as it took me over 10 years to get stay and completed degrees cost me more than 15,000 pounds. I was literally having panic attacks every day no sleep at all so one day I went and just signed what they wanted. I Bare witness ALLAH (SWT) I never ever had the intention to finish the relationship I love my wife so much and still do & Allah (SWT) knows they forced my such extent that I had no choice but to sign I never said divorce verbally.

Please guide me is this right way to get a divorce from a man who was not even willing to divorce at all in fact who never ever imagined about saying this word. I don't think one of the most strong relationships of nikah can be broken this way? My heart cries every single min I feel I have done massive sin divorcing someone I deeply loved and still love but they never let us sit together or talk. I didn't say divorce verbally. Just signed the paper and got all my belonging from that house.

Salam Alaikum,

 

I really appreciate that you sent me this but just to explain to you a bit more than deportation isn't ordinary for me. I have an asylum visa here as I had life threats back home. the people who I have problem with they Even in tried to harm me in the UK and I had to move my city. after all investigation UK government issued me asylum visa and if you want I can send you to copy of that. so when I said deportation threat was made by the family means not just normal deportation. Please take it under consideration and have a nazr e Sani on my case I would be highly thankful for your kind time.

jazakALLAHKhair

 

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيْم

             

In the name of ALLAH the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

It was very troublesome to hear your devastating story. Situations like these are indeed hard to get over. Unfortunately, the Muslim Ummah today is unbelievably unaware of the consequences of their actions and are ready to ruin other peoples' lives in order to further their own. Qualities like trust, speaking the truth and justice have been discarded for worldly gain.

Obviously, this was not the correct way for your in-laws to take care of this situation, even if they were not happy with the marriage (for any reason) forcing you to divorce your wife with no reason is not right at all. However so, the divorce will still occur even though you were forced to do it.[1]

Being that as it is, the alim whom you asked to speak to the family on your behalf can only talk to them and give them advice, beyond that is their decision. His recommendation for you to divorce her even if you did not want to was because he must have felt these people would not back down from their position, and that if you chased this family longer it could ruin your life even more.

The advice we can give you is to not let this situation linger over your head for the rest of your life. It will be hard, but you must get over this hurdle.

Here are 5 short but very impactful duas to battle the hardship of grief:

1. لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا أَنْتَ سُبْحَانَكَ إِنِّي كُنْتُ مِنَ الظَّالِمِين

“There is no deity but You. Glory be to You! Verily, I have been among the wrongdoers.” (Quran 21:87)

This dua was made by Yunus (peace and blessings be upon him), Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said that this dua is useful for receiving patience during hardships in our affairs and acknowledging our mistakes while seeking Allah’s protection.

 

2. اَللّٰهُمَّ اِنِّىْ اَعُوْذُبِكَ مِنْ جَهْدِالْبَلَاءِ وَدَرْكِ الشَّقَاءِ وَسُوْءِ الْقَضَاءِ و شَمَاتَةِ الْاَعْدَاءِ

“Oh Allah, I seek refuge in you from the difficulties of hardships. And the acquisition of wretchedness, and ill-fated, and the enemy’s malicious rejoicing for my suffering.” (Sahih Bukhari, 6347).

This dua relieves hardships, afflictions, protection from enemies, as well as protection from wrong and evil judgments.

3. يَا حَيُّ يَا قَيُّوْمُ بِرَحْمَتِكَ أَسْتَغِيْث

“O Living and Eternal Maintainer! By Your mercy, I seek help!” (Sunan Tirmidhi, 3524)

Abdullah ibn Mas’ood (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that whenever Rasul Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) used to be afflicted with any concern or stressful situations he would recite this supplication. This Dua is also useful to relieve worries about the issues of one’s family, health or wealth.

4. اللّهُمَّ لا سَهْلَ إلا ما جَعَلْتَهُ سَهْلا وَأنتَ تَجْعَلُ الحَزْنَ إذا شِئْتَ سَهْلا

“O Allah! There is no ease except that which You make easy, and indeed You, when You want, make grief and difficulties easy.” (Sahih Ibn Hibban #970)

When the weights of stress and grief are burdening upon a person, reciting this dua may help them find an easy solution to tackling the toughest of problems, Insha’Allah (God willing.)

5. اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ الْهَمِّ وَالْحُزْنِ وَالْعَجْزِ وَالْكَسَلِ وَالْبُخْلِ وَالْجُبْنِ وَضَلَعِ الدَّيْنِ وَغَلَبَةِ الرِّجَالِ

“O Allah, I take refuge in You from anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of debts and from being overpowered by men.” (Sahih Bukhari 6369.)

Narrated by Abu Sa’id al-Khudri (Allah be pleased with him), one day Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) entered the mosque and saw a man named Abu Umamah, who seemed to always be staying at the mosque long after his prayers were completed and people had all left. Then the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) asked him:

“Why are you sitting at the mosque when it is not the time for prayer?”

Abu Umamah replied, “I am entangled in sorrow and debts and I don’t know what I should do about it.”

Then the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)taught him this dua and told him to recite it during the morning and evening. Abu Umamah later noted, “When I did what the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) suggested, Allah (swt) removed my distress and settled my debt.”

 

And Allah SWT alone knows best.

 

Answered by Maulana Imran Mughal

Checked and approved Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham

 

 


[1] Al-Marghaynānī, Al-Hidaya(Karachi: Maktabatul Bushra, 2014), Vol.3 Pg.140.

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