My wife wants to put my mother in a care home. What should I do?

Fatwa ID: 02686

Answered by: Moulana Tahsin Alam

 

Question

AssalamuAlaikum,

I have just married a woman and I don't know why, but she does not want to live with my mother. Upon asking for reasons, she says that my mother interferes in her work a lot and my mother doesn't like her. When I asked my mother about all of this, she denied and said she never said that she doesn't like her. 

Our marriage is a love marriage. My wife used to ask me to live separately with her after marriage and she used to say that we can send my mother to a good hostel or old age home and that we would bear all her financial expenses, call her and visit her. But I always refused and said that there is no one in this world for my mother except me, and she has made so many sacrifices for me, and after the demise of my father which occurred when I was not even born, she suffered from shock, and she is still not that much mentally stable. My mother has never hurt anyone physically and I have seen her love for me. 

My wife, who has a western lifestyle mindset regarding marriage and family, was aware of my mother's condition from the very beginning. Even now my mother is happy with going to an old age home just for my happiness, but my heart is not allowing me to do so. She has done a lot for me and she is the only one who made me what I am today. She has no father no brother, she is a widow and has no other child.

I’m her only child, and she has no one in this world except me. I tried to threaten my wife with divorce, but she now she is threatening me that she will commit suicide because I have ruined her life. All my efforts have failed. I am in extreme pain. I cannot leave my mother because she has no one in this world, but I cannot leave my wife as well. Please guide me according to Islamic teachings what is best to do in this situation and I will follow that.

 

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيْم

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

 

 

 

Answer:

Your wife is entitled to a separate house or room (with separate facilities) which is completely isolated from other people within your family.[1]You are also obligated to serve your mother, especially in her old age. We ask that you consult your wife regarding appropriate living arrangements for her whilst still being able to care for your mother. It would be best to priorities your mother’s wellbeing first.

 

Only Allah knows best

Written by Maulana Tahsin Alam

Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham

 

 

 


[1] al-Marghinani, al-Hidayah, Fasl fi al-Nafaqah

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