Fatwa ID: 01668
Answered by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Me and my husband have been married for four years, and after a year of marriage starting having problems, it was always about each others family. I didnt feel he gave enough respect and importance to mine and he thought i didnt try or make efforts with his. But Allah knows how hard i tried to please everyone in his family. He is the eldest of five brothers and the only one who is married. We lived together with his parents and brothers. I've left once and iv been told by his parents to leave the house before aswell. i feel as though his parents have never approved of me. There are always saying bad things about me to other people behind my back, i know this because these people tell me.
Basically, last year in October me and my husband went out and on the way back we were talking and it led to an argument. He came home and told his parents and they told me to pack my things and they phoned my mum to come and get me. I was five months pregnant at this time and it was 2.00 o'clock at night. I was very upset, i asked my husband to speak to me because i didnt want to go, but he said he didnt want to talk to me. After that day, my husband rang me a week later asking if i would come home. My parents were very upset with the way he had treated me and werent pleased to send me back to stay with his parents. My father in law told my mum, when she came to get me, that i had made his holiday haraam. But i didnt do it on purpose, it was just the baby making me sick. We all went on holiday together in july and august to India, his parents, brothers, we all went. I was over one month pregnant at the time and was vomiting alot. This comment made my parents very upset. My in laws said i used to sit around and not do anything, but if you had seen my state you would know that i worked hard, i was very weak and very thin. My midwifes commented on how much better i looked when i was at my mums house than at my inlaws. I did try very hard.
Over the next couple of months we tried talking and working things out. He used to come and see me at work sometimes and during the last month of my pregnancy he used to come and see me at my parents house sometimes too.
Everything was going really well mashallah, but i dont know what happened. I was having pains but i didnt go into hospital because i was scared they'd send me home and tell me to come back later. (i have heard this with many people). But when i started bleeding alot i decided to go to hospital. My husband was with me at my parents house when i was having pains but then he went home. He thinks i didnt go when he was at my parents house because i didnt want him to come. But as soon as i decided to go to hospital i rang him and told him. When i got to the hospital so did he. He was with me throughout everything, so was my mum. He was not happy that my mum was there, but i felt that my mum being there would help me alot. when i was in pain my mum stroked my head and i felt very calm. but my husband took this the wrong way and was very angry. Our daughter was born just after midnight, me and my husband talked about who she looked like and everything was fine. we were both smiling. It was like he forgot his anger and everything. He asked me if he could go outside for a cigarette, i said no first, because he was trying to stop smoking, but then i looked at him and knew he really needed a cigarette so i said yeah. when he came back after 20 minutes, he was really quite, he wouldnt talk to me or anyone. I knew something was wrong, i even asked him but he said it was nothing. after 15 minutes he said to me he was going home, i said to him i thought you would stay with me at hospital but he said no im going home, your mum can stay with you. i did not argue with him and said that is ok. i told him to check the visiting times as i did not know what they were. Then when he comes the next day my mum will go home and we'll spend time together then. he said ok.
That night i went to the bathroom, but i passsed out and my mum looked after me the whole night and i was sent to another ward in the morning. i txd my husband to tell him what had happened to me the night before and that i was in another ward. I didnt hear anything from him all morning and he came to see me with his mum at 13.30. the nurses did not let his mum come in because this time was for partners only. visiting times dont start til 14.00. he knew this but still brought his mum. He came with a very angry face and my mum noticed this. He never did salaam to me or my mum. I asked him if he knew what time visiting hours were and he snapped back at me and said yes. My mum asked him if he knew what time it was and he snapped back at her and said its 13.30. Then he said to me i want to talk to you, in a very angry tone. I nodded my head because i did not want an argument. He repeated it again and my mum said to him did you say something to rehana. He snapped back saying to my mum, im not talking to you, im talking to her. My mum said to him, look, she's just given birth, its just been about twelve hours, she's in a very fragile state, dont give her any tension. He shouted at my mum, im talking to her, not to you!! My mum got very upset and couldnt believe how he was speaking to her. So they both started shouting at each other, my mum said how she had put up with him and his family treating me badly, and he started saying how at least his family was better than my parents. The argument carried on for five-ten minutes. I asked and requested both of them to stop arguing, i didnt want anyone to hear what was happening. So my husband went to call the midwife to get my mum out. The midwife came and told my mum to leave, because this was husbands time. My mum went and found an asian midwife and explained what had happened with me over the past couple of months. The midwife came and asked me if my mum could be there, i respected my mum and said yes, my husband became very angry with this. But my mum realised and left us and went and sat outside. Me and my husband sat there and we were very upset about what had happened. After about 15 minutes, my mum came and said visitors were coming. So my husband got up very angry again and went to call his mum. His mum came and held the baby. When my husband came back he said he was very upset and would not be coming again. My husband and mum both started having an argument all over again, this time my husband threatened to hit my mum which made my mum even more upset and angry. My mother in law couldnt get her son to calm down either and in the heat of the moment he said talaq three times and collapsed on the floor. He doesnt know why he said what he did, how he said it, he wasnt even thinking it.
Thats everything that happened. I dont know what to do. I wish things had happened differently, i wish he had talked to me about it. I pray Allah helps us in some way. Despite everything that has happened with us arguing with hisa parents lying about me i still want to be with him and we both really do love each other but dont know what to do now.
It is very unfortunate and sad to hear your story and I pray to Allah that he will make things easy for you. When Allah inflicts any hardships or calamity upon anyone, the purpose for this is to either test his true servants as Allah in the Holy Quran has said,
“Be sure we shall test you with something of fear, and hunger and some loss of wealth and lives and fruits and glad tidings to those that bear patience”. (Suarh Baqarah v.156)
Sometimes it so happens for it to be a lesson for the people coming after not to commit that deed again as Allah states in the Holy Quran:
“And indeed before you we sent (Messengers) too many nations so we seized them with suffering and adversity so that they may fall into humility.” (Surah Anaam v.42)
Or these tests can be a means of purification for the pious people. The Prophet of Allah has said when a persons sins increases and nothing remains to remove it then Allah inflicts this person with such sorrow, which expiates his sins. (Tafsir Ibn Kathir)
We will look at your question in four parts.
- Three talaqs.
- Talaq in anger.
- Being forced to give talaq.
- Talaq in the state of period or nifaas.
If a person pronounced three divorces at once in any way then three divorces will occur. This can be proven through the following Hadeeths:
Sayyida A’isha reports that: A man pronounced three divorces to his wife. She (after her iddah) married another man. The Messenger of Allah was asked whether it was lawful for her to return to the first husband. He said: “Not until they have sexual intercourse.” (Sahih Bukhari)
Sayyiduna Hasan ibn Ali said (in a long Hadith, after divorcing his wife): “Had I not heard my father (Ali) narrating from my grandfather The Prophet of Allah say: “when a man pronounces three divorces, then his wife will no longer remain lawful for him, unless she marries another man”, I would have taken my wife back.” (Sunan Baihaqi)
The jurists have categorised anger into three stages:
1. The initial stage of anger where ones mind is sound and fully in control of what one is saying. In such a case talaq will occur without any doubt.
2. Extreme anger to the point of insanity, where one is unaware where he is or what he is saying. In such a case talaq will not occur.
3. Finally that stage which is between the above two stages in that one was extremely angry but not to the point of insanity, and was aware of what one was saying. In this case also, talaq will also occur. (Raddul Muhtar p.452 v. 4)
Normally it can be said that the anger does not reach the level of insanity as mentioned above therefore divorce is valid and will take place.
However in circumstances where it is claimed that the anger was such that a person lost his sanity, then in those occasion it is necessary that the person has previous medical history of insanity or has been diagnosed by the doctor of being of unstable mind, or has two male witness or one male and two female witnesses testifying that in fact on that occasion the person had in deed lost his sanity, then the divorce will not take effect. (Ibid)
With regards to the third issue there are two types of force:
- Muljee: Muljee is a situation where someone threatens a man to divorce his wife or otherwise he will kill him etc…
- Ghair Muljee: Ghair Muljee is a situation where someone threatens a man to divorce his wife or otherwise he will beat him up etc… (Raddul Muhtar p.177 v.9)
(The difference is that in ghair muljee he is not threatened with his life.)
Furthermore, the jurists have added that if the individual who is being forced to divorce his wife is from a respectable background, then ghair muljee will be considered a sufficient enough force. If however, the individual is from a rough or aggressive background then muljee will be considered as a sufficient enough force. (Raddul Muhtar p.178 v.9)
From the above information the Islamic ruling is that if someone is forced to divorce his wife in the aforementioned situations, then the divorce will be effective on the condition that he said it verbally.
The author of Durre Mukhtar, states: “The Talaq of every husband is effected, be he a slave or under duress.” (Raddul Muhtar p.438 v.4)
However, if a man is forced to divorce his wife and he writes out a Talaq on paper and he even signs it or signs on a paper which has Talaq written on it from before, Talaq will not be effected. (Raddul Muhtar p.440 v.4)
It should be borne in mind that situations such as being “emotionally forced” or being forced by someone without threat to ones life or the threat of being injured is not considered as being forced.
Finally, with regards to divorce in the state of haidh or nifas, the same way three talaqs in one sitting is unlawful and sinful but if he does so, the talaq is valid and comes into effect, the same can be said regarding talaq in the state of haidh or nifas. (Fatawa Hindiyyah p.349 v.1)
In conclusion if your husband does not have a previous medical condition or has not been certified by a medical practitioner as someone when losing his anger does not know what he is saying or doing then three talaqs will take place and he has now become unlawful for you. (Fatawa Hindiyyah p.526 v.1)
Only Allah Knows Best
Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham.