What to do if one has had a relationship out of wedlock ?

Fatwa ID: 02823

Answered by: Maulana Muddasser Dhedhy​

Question:

Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah

I am very troubled and not sure on what to do. Last year I had gotten into a relationship with a non-muslim girl, committed Zina and also she got pregnant just found out recently the baby is born. I have prayed and prayed to Allah for forgiveness as I know its a very big sin. I cannot even think of anything else apart from what my family would say or do and also Allah’s punishment. Also, my family do not know of this and also want me to marry.

My question is, do I need to inform the potential women that I would be marrying in future of this of what i have done?

The non-muslim understands and does not want me to tell my family but I feel like I cannot breathe not even pray properly because of the action I have committed. I am always worried and upset about the outcome. Please advise. Jazakallah


بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيْم

Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah

The regret and trouble that you are experiencing is a sign of Iman and is a very praiseworthy quality. Although having a relationship out of wedlock is a major sin, your constant prayers and sincere plea for forgiveness is encouraging. Have hope and faith in Allah’s mercy. He has forgiven tyrants and disbelievers who have turned back to Him, you can be hopeful that He has forgiven you too.

However, it is important to place safeguarding measures for yourself so that you do not fall into this sin again. Lawful marriage is the best way to avoid indulging in illicit relationships, thus you are encouraged to get married just as your parents wish this for you too. Islamically, you are not required to disclose of the sins you have committed in the past to anyone.

Islam encourages hiding sins and having them silently forgiven by Allah. To disclose them is a sin itself.

 

قَالَ سَالِمٌ سَمِعْتُ أَبَا هُرَيْرَةَ، يَقُولُ سَمِعْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَقُولُ ‏"‏كُلُّ أُمَّتِي مُعَافَاةٌ إِلاَّ الْمُجَاهِرِينَ وَإِنَّ مِنَ الإِجْهَارِ أَنْ يَعْمَلَ الْعَبْدُ بِاللَّيْلِ عَمَلاً ثُمَّ يُصْبِحُ قَدْ سَتَرَهُ رَبُّهُ فَيَقُولُ يَا فُلاَنُ قَدْ عَمِلْتُ الْبَارِحَةَ كَذَا وَكَذَا وَقَدْ بَاتَ يَسْتُرُهُ رَبُّهُ فَيَبِيتُ يَسْتُرُهُ رَبُّهُ وَيُصْبِحُ يَكْشِفُ سِتْرَ اللَّهِ عَنْهُ‏".‏

 

Abu Hurairah (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) as saying: “All the people of my Ummah would get pardon for their sins except those who publicise them. And (it means) that a servant should do a deed during the night and tell the people in the morning that he has done so and so, whereas Allah has concealed it. And he does a deed during the day and when it is night he tells the people, whereas Allah has concealed it.” (Sahih Muslim 2990)

 

However, it may be a good idea to explain to your potential spouse about this incident, whether before marriage or sometime after, based upon your own judgement, if you feel that problems may arise in your marriage if this secret spills on its own at one point. Or if you wish, you may arrange for support or discuss parental care with the mother of the child once and for all before marriage and forget about this incident in the past and not mention it to anyone. This is according to how you believe the child and their upbringing will transpire in the future. Apart from that, you are not required to confess or tell anyone Islamically.

 

May Allah ease your affairs and provide with comfort and peace of mind.

 

Only Allah Ta'ala knows best

 

Written by Maulana Muddasser Dhedhy

Checked and approved by Ustadha Sabrina al-Faarsiyyah

Darul Ifta Birmingham

 

 

 

 

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