Fatwa ID: 03993
Answered by: Maulana Muhammad Adnan
I am a depressed person. I am getting married to a guy who is ok and his parents are strict. His mother orders me around. I am heartbroken. I can accept living with the guy, but I cannot bring myself to live with his parents. I am emotionally so distressed that even a single negative word makes me want to look for an escape.
Can I pray that I will have an independent life after marriage with my husband? Can I pray that his parents won't live with us? I won't mind if he visits them or financially supports them, I just want peace of mind. They have other sons and daughters, but they say they will live with us. There is no way to talk to them. I know I have issues, but in our culture, going to a psychologist is out of the question. Am I wrong to pray for an independent life with my husband? Can you recommend a dua that I can read?
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
The first thing you should do is, perform two rakaats ‘Salaatul Hajah’ and ask Allah to help you through your anxieties and difficulties. Once you have done that, then hasten towards doing good, especially by vowing to perform the five times daily Salaah and some Dhikr or recitation of the Quran daily. The best form to combat depression is doing Dhikr and reciting the Quran.
Coming to your question, it is permitted to pray for such things as you mentioned, but it would be better if you raised those concerns with your spouse. Furthermore, these are based on assumptions that your life will be miserable, but Allah All-Mighty may make it a wonderful environment to live with the husband and their family. We as Muslims have been told to think good of people at all times.
Du'as to relieve anxiety and distress.
The Messenger of Allah sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam entered the mosque one day and saw an Ansari (A resident of Madinah) man there by the name of Abu Umamah (Ra). The Prophet sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam asked him,
‘O Abu Umamah, why are you sitting in the mosque at a time that is not a prayer time?’ He replied: ‘I was forced to do so by sorrow and debt.’ The Messenger of Allah sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam then asked: ‘Shall I teach you a supplication by which Allah will remove your sorrow and pay for you your debts?’ He answered: ‘O yes, Messenger of Allah!’ The Prophet sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam then said: ‘Say every morning and evening:
اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْهَمِّ وَالْحُزْنِ ، وَ أعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْعَجْزِ وَالْكَسَلِ , وَ أعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْجُبْنِ وَ الْبُخْلِ , وَ أعُوذُ بِكَ مِن غَلَبَة الدَّيْن و قَهْر الْرِّجَالِ
(Meaning: O Allah, I seek refuge with You from anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of debts and from being overpowered by men.)
Abu Umamah (Ra) said: ‘I did that and Allah removed my distress and paid for me my debt.’ (Abu Dawud)
Only Allah Knows Best
Written by Maulana Muhammad Adnan
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham