Fatwa ID: 07101
Answered by: Mufti Mohammed Dilwar Hussain
Question:
Is maintaining the house (cleaning, cooking) by the default the responsibility of the wife unless there is an ‘urf otherwise
In the name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
Allāh Ta’ālā has said: “Men are caretakers of women, since Allāh has made some of them excel the others, and because of the wealth they have spent. So, the righteous women are obedient, (and) guard (the property and honour of their husbands) in (their) absence with the protection given by Allāh.” [Surah an-Nisā’; 4:34] [1]
The Prophet ﷺ was asked which woman was the best? He ﷺ replied, “The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he disapproves.” [Sunan an-Nasā’i- Hadith 5324; Sunan al-Baihaqi: Hadith 13477; Musnad Imām Ahmad: Hadith 9648] [2]
The Prophet ﷺ said: “I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful.” It was asked: “Do they disbelieve in Allāh?” (or are they ungrateful to Allāh?) He ﷺ replied: “They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favours and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, ‘I have never received any good from you.” [Sahih al-Bukhāri: Hadith 29] [3]
I went to al-Hirah and saw them (the people) prostrating themselves before a satrap of theirs, so I said: The Messenger of Allāh ﷺ has most right to have prostration made before him. When I came to the Prophet ﷺ, I said: I went to al-Hirah and saw them prostrating themselves before a satrap of theirs, but you have most right, Messenger of Allāh, to have (people) prostrating themselves before you. He said: Tell me, if you were to pass my grave, would you prostrate yourself before it? I said: No. He then said: Do not do so. If I were to command anyone to make prostration before another, I would command women to prostrate themselves before their husbands, because of the special right over them given to husbands by Allah. [Sunan Abi Dāwūd: Hadith 2140] [4]
Maintenance of the family home is obedience to the husband as long as he does not ask of her to do anything which goes beyond the boundaries of Islam.
This is not to take anything away from the incredible sacrifice’s women have to make on a daily basis. However, it is to refute the Western mentality which demands women to carry out the duties of a family home (i.e., its upkeep, the upbringing of her children and fulfilling her duties to her husband) aswell as going out and working like a man. Being a mother and home maker is a job without any days off or breaks. Yet, on top of this western society dictates that a woman should also be a bread earner aswell is utterly disgusting. They have made being a mother and home make seem derogatory whereas Allāh Ta’ālā has placed the greatest rewards in it.
This is such a topic whereby the discussions can go into great lengths.
To summarise, what is ‘Urf in Islām and what is ‘Urf in western societies are not the same. Their values are not the same. Their priorities are not the same. So, both cannot be cut from the same cloth.
Islām promotes family values, growing a family, building a family home and etc. But today there is a stigma about this in western societies. Not to take anything away from the women who are able to juggle and do both but to do them both efficiently without having to sacrifice in each of them is nigh impossible.
The financial upkeep of a woman is the duty of the father and then the husband so she has no financial burden. The ‘Urf is that her responsibilities lie with the upkeep of the family and the home. This is a great honour for her as Islām looks to protect the chastity of our women folk. Her Jannah is as the Hadith have explained above.
Only Allāh Ta’ālā knows best.
Written by Mufti Mohammed Dilwar Hussain
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
}[1]ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٰمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعۡضَهُمۡ عَلَىٰ بَعۡض وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُواْ مِنۡ أَمۡوَٰلِهِمۡۚ فَٱلصَّٰلِحَٰتُ قَٰنِتَٰتٌ حَٰفِظَٰت لِّلۡغَيۡبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُ{
[2]أَخْبَرَنَا قُتَيْبَةُ بْنُ سَعِيدٍ، قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا اللَّيْثُ، عَنِ ابْنِ عَجْلَانَ، عَنْ سَعِيدٍ الْمَقْبُرِيِّ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، قَالَ: قِيلَ لِرَسُولِ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ أَيُّ النِّسَاءِ خَيْرٌ قَالَ: الَّتِي تَسُرُّهُ إِذَا نَظَرَ، وَتُطِيعُهُ إِذَا أَمَرَ وَلَا تُخَالِفُهُ فِي نَفْسِهَا وَمَالِهَا بِمَا يَكْرَهُ
[3]حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ مَسْلَمَةَ، عَنْ مَالِكٍ، عَنْ زَيْدِ بْنِ أَسْلَمَ، عَنْ عَطَاءِ بْنِ يَسَارٍ، عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ، قَالَ قَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم ” أُرِيتُ النَّارَ فَإِذَا أَكْثَرُ أَهْلِهَا النِّسَاءُ يَكْفُرْنَ ”. قِيلَ أَيَكْفُرْنَ بِاللَّهِ قَالَ ” يَكْفُرْنَ الْعَشِيرَ، وَيَكْفُرْنَ الإِحْسَانَ، لَوْ أَحْسَنْتَ إِلَى إِحْدَاهُنَّ الدَّهْرَ ثُمَّ رَأَتْ مِنْكَ شَيْئًا قَالَتْ مَا رَأَيْتُ مِنْكَ خَيْرًا قَطُّ ”.
[4]حَدَّثَنَا عَمْرُو بْنُ عَوْنٍ، أَخْبَرَنَا إِسْحَاقُ بْنُ يُوسُفَ، عَنْ شَرِيكٍ، عَنْ حُصَيْنٍ، عَنِ الشَّعْبِيِّ، عَنْ قَيْسِ بْنِ سَعْدٍ، قَالَ أَتَيْتُ الْحِيرَةَ فَرَأَيْتُهُمْ يَسْجُدُونَ لِمَرْزُبَانٍ لَهُمْ فَقُلْتُ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ أَحَقُّ أَنْ يُسْجَدَ لَهُ قَالَ فَأَتَيْتُ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقُلْتُ إِنِّي أَتَيْتُ الْحِيرَةَ فَرَأَيْتُهُمْ يَسْجُدُونَ لِمَرْزُبَانٍ لَهُمْ فَأَنْتَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ أَحَقُّ أَنْ نَسْجُدَ لَكَ . قَالَ ” أَرَأَيْتَ لَوْ مَرَرْتَ بِقَبْرِي أَكُنْتَ تَسْجُدُ لَهُ ” . قَالَ قُلْتُ لاَ . قَالَ ” فَلاَ تَفْعَلُوا لَوْ كُنْتُ آمِرًا أَحَدًا أَنْ يَسْجُدَ لأَحَدٍ لأَمَرْتُ النِّسَاءَ أَنْ يَسْجُدْنَ لأَزْوَاجِهِنَّ لِمَا جَعَلَ اللَّهُ لَهُمْ عَلَيْهِنَّ مِنَ الْحَقِّ ” .
