Fatwa ID: 08608
Written by Maulana Abdurrahman Mohammad
Question:
I was a 10-year-old boy while playing with my baby maternal cousin of 6 six months. I kissed him on his face with breast milk of my khala (maternal aunt) while the breast milk was consumed by me. I feel ashamed sometimes in front of my maternal aunt. Plus due to OCD, I do masturbation while thinking about my maternal aunts.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
Time Period for Foster Relations- Allah s.w.t says in the Quran regarding fostering infants:
Their ˹period of˺ bearing and weaning is thirty months.
Scholars have concluded that the period of fostering infants is two years, six months for the minimum duration of pregnancy and two years for breastfeeding. Only during that time period, foster relationships can be formed. If breast milk was consumed after a child reaches two years of age, foster relationships would not form. Since you were ten years old when you had consumed your maternal aunt’s milk, you would not become her foster child and your cousin’s foster brother.
Little or a lot of breastfeeding, if it occurs during the breastfeeding period, then the prohibition [of marrying foster relatives] is attached to it. … The time of breastfeeding, according to Abu Hanifa – may God Almighty have mercy on him – is calculated to be thirty months. They [Imam Abu Yusuf and Imam Muhammad] said it is calculated to be two years. This is how it is in Fatawa Qadi Khan.
Controlling Sexual Desire- Sexual desire is a natural and essential part of human nature, but it may get out of control due to the sicknesses of the heart. It is critical to manage these temptations and desires according to Islamic teachings and focus on developing modesty, chastity, patience, and self-discipline. Islam also allows lawful channels for sexual expression within marriage. When someone seeks to lower their sexual desire, Islam offers both spiritual and practical approaches. Here are some solutions to help manage sexual desire:
- Seek Refuge in Allah and Make Dua.
The first step in managing any temptation is to seek refuge in Allah (SWT). Regularly making dua to Allah SWT asking for help in controlling your desires. Request guidance from Him to stay on the right path and to find a way to overcome this challenge. Allah SWT is merciful and will always respond to sincere supplication. Trust in His wisdom, and know that He is the best guide and protector.
2. Strengthen Your Iman and Increase Remembrance of Allah
One of the most effective ways to control any temptation is to increase your connection with Allah (SWT). Strengthening your faith through prayer (Salah), remembrance (Dhikr), and seeking knowledge is crucial. As your Iman increases, you become more mindful of Allah’s presence, which in turn helps you resist sinful urges. Remind yourself of the consequences of indulging in desires that lead you away from the right path.
3. Consider Marriage as a Lawful Solution
Allah SWT has provided us with lawful means to deal with our temptations and desires. Through marriage, this problem may be resolved and your sexual desire will curb and subside. You will think of your wife instead of other women, and that would be more beneficial in protecting your Deen.
4. Lower Your Gaze and Observe Modesty
One of the most effective ways to control sexual desire is to lower the gaze and avoid inappropriate temptations. Avoid looking at individuals and items that could arouse desire, whether in real life or online. Remove yourself from environments or situations that provoke sexual desire. Spiritual retreats, attending religious gatherings, or simply spending time away from social media can help cleanse the mind and heart.
5. Physical Activity and Mental Engagement
Excessive sexual thoughts often arise from a lack of physical exertion or mental engagement. Engaging in sports, exercise, and outdoor activities not only helps maintain a healthy body but also distracts the mind from inappropriate thoughts. Channel your energy into productive activities like work, study, or hobbies, ensuring that you remain busy and occupied.
6. Fasting and Diet
Fasting is highly recommended in Islam to help curb desires. While fasting during Ramadan is obligatory, fasting on additional days like Mondays and Thursdays is from the Sunnah and can help weaken sexual urges and promote self-control. Also, maintaining a healthy diet free from excessive sugars, processed foods, and heavy meats can help maintain physical and emotional balance. Cold showers or exposure to cold temperatures can also help reduce physical arousal.
7. Seek Knowledge and Counselling
Seek advice from knowledgeable and trustworthy scholars or Islamic counsellors who can guide you. Connecting with those who are experienced in Islamic knowledge and spirituality can help you manage your challenges. Having a mentor to hold you accountable can also help you stay focused and avoid temptations.
8. Surround Yourself With Good Company
The people you associate with greatly influence your thoughts and behaviour. Surround yourself with practicing, pious Muslims who uphold the values of modesty and self-restraint. Spending time in the company of scholars and righteous individuals will help strengthen your resolve. Additionally, frequenting the Masajid and attending Salāt in Jamā’ah will nourish your soul and shield you from negative influences.
9. Practice Patience and Self-Control
Islam teaches us the value of patience (Sabr) and self-control (Taqwa). Develop the ability to resist the urges of the Nafs (ego) by gradually building your willpower. Engage in practices that train you to overcome desires, such as waking up for Tahajjud (night prayer), fasting, or setting challenging personal goals that require discipline and persistence.
10. Seek Professional Help if Necessary
If your struggle with controlling sexual desires becomes overwhelming, do not hesitate to seek professional help. Consult with a doctor or therapist, especially if there are underlying psychological issues contributing to your desires. A professional can provide you with tools and strategies to address these challenges in a healthy and productive way.
References:
[1] وَحَمْلُهُۥ وَفِصَـٰلُهُۥ ثَلَـٰثُونَ شَهْرًا
(Surah Al-Ahqaf 46:15)
[2] (كِتَابُ الرَّضَاعِ) قَلِيلُ الرَّضَاعِ وَكَثِيرُهُ إذَا حَصَلَ فِي مُدَّةِ الرَّضَاعِ تَعَلَّقَ بِهِ التَّحْرِيمُ كَذَا فِي الْهِدَايَةِ. قَالَ فِي الْيَنَابِيعِ. وَالْقَلِيلُ مُفَسَّرٌ بِمَا يُعْلَمُ أَنَّهُ وَصَلَ إلَى الْجَوْفِ كَذَا فِي السِّرَاجِ الْوَهَّاجِ
وَوَقْتُ الرَّضَاعِ فِي قَوْلِ أَبِي حَنِيفَةَ – رَحِمَهُ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى – مُقَدَّرٌ بِثَلَاثِينَ شَهْرًا وَقَالَا مُقَدَّرٌ بِحَوْلَيْنِ هَكَذَا فِي فَتَاوَى قَاضِي خَانْ
(Al-Fatāwā Al-Hindiyya, vol. 1, pg. 342, Al-Maṭba’ah Al-Kubrā Al-Amīriyyah)
Only Allah (عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ) knows best.
Written by Maulana Abdurrahman Mohammad
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
