Fatwa ID: 05207
Answered by: Maulana Syed Johir Miah
Question
How can I get my wife and mother to get along?
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
As a son, you have a duty towards your mother and you also have a duty towards your wife, as a husband to her.
Allah SWT says in the Quran,
وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعۡبُدُوٓاْ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلۡوَٰلِدَيۡنِ إِحۡسَٰنًاۚ إِمَّا يَبۡلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلۡكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوۡ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفّٖ وَلَا تَنۡهَرۡهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوۡلٗا كَرِيمٗا
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], “uff,” and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.[1]
Allah SWT also says,
وَمِنۡ ءَايَٰتِهِۦٓ أَنۡ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنۡ أَنفُسِكُمۡ أَزۡوَٰجٗا لِّتَسۡكُنُوٓاْ إِلَيۡهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيۡنَكُم مَّوَدَّةٗ وَرَحۡمَةًۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَأٓيَٰتٖ لِّقَوۡمٖ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought. [2]
The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم ) said in a Hadith about the rights of the wife,
أكْمَلُ المُؤْمِنِينَ إيمانًا أحْسَنُهُمْ خُلُقًا، وخَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِنِسائِهِمْ
The most complete of the believers in faith, is the one with the best character. And the best of you are those who are best to their women. [3]
Sadly, its common nowadays for mother in law and daughter in law to not get along. However, sometimes it could be due to the territory. This should not entail in you divorcing your wife in any way or disconnecting kinship with your mother in any way. Hence, it could be best to move out as that builds space and affection.
Only Allah knows best
Written by Maulana Syed Johir Miah
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
[1] Quran, Surah Israa, 17:23.
[2] Quran, Ar-Rum, 30:21
[3] Tirmizi 1162, Darul Gharb Al-Islami, Beirut, Lebanon
