Fatwa ID: 06863

 

Answered by: Maulana Ousman Haye

 

Question:

 

My maternal cousin misbehaves with my mother quite often. I had a verbal fight with him when he started shouting at my mother recently and when I said dont misbehave with my mother in response he asked why I misbehaved, then in the heat of the moment, I said some bad words towards him he also returned me with bad words. I just lost my cool but it was caused by the response to how he dealt with my mother and still, he doesn’t accept his fault for how he treated my mother.

 

Kindly suggest in the light of the Quran and Sunnah how to deal with such circumstances.

 

 

 

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

 

Answer:

 

First of all, it should be noted that affection and keeping good ties with all Muslims are religious requirements, and this matter is more confirmed among kinship as Allah (swt) ordered us to keep ties with kinship and severely threatened those who sever such ties.

 

Based on what you have mentioned, it is clear that what your cousin is doing is completely wrong. One must not misbehave with one’s aunt and anyone older.

 

The Messenger of Allah (May peace and blessings be upon him) said, “He is not from amongst us who does not show mercy to the young ones and does not recognize the right of the elders (i.e. does not respect them). (Tirmizi: 1920)

 

We advise you to be patient with him and invoke Allah (swt) earnestly to rectify his affairs. You should explain to him in a kind and nice way the harm he is causing you and that what he is doing is wrong.

 

One must control his anger at all times. You mentioned that you became angry and said bad words to him. You mustn’t do let your anger get the better of you.

 

The Messenger of Allah (May peace and blessings be upon him) said, “The strong person is not the one who can topple others, but rather the strong person is the one who can control himself in times of anger.” (Bukhari:6114)

 

It was reported by Abu Hurayrah (Ra) that a man said to the messenger of Allah, Advise me. The messenger of Allah said, “Do not get angry”. The man repeated his request. Again, the messenger of Allah said, “Do not get angry.” (Bukhari:6116)

 

We see from the above narrations the importance of controlling one’s anger.

 

Finally, you should advise your cousin nicely and kindly, find the reason for such misbehaviour and then try to solve the issue. Also, it is very important to always control your anger and not let it get the better of you.

 

 

Only Allah (عز و جل) knows best.

Written by Maulana Ousman Haye

Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham

 

 

 

 

ليسَ منَّا من لَم يَرحَمْ صغيرَنا ، و يعرِفْ حَقَّ كَبيرِنا
(الترمذي:1920)

 

ليسَ الشَّديدُ بالصُّرَعَةِ ، إنَّما الشَّديدُ الَّذي يملِكُ نفسَه عندَ الغَضبِ
(بخاري:6114)

 

أنَّ رجلًا قال : يا رسولَ اللهِ قُلْ لي قولًا وأَقْلِلْ لعلِّي أعِيه قال لا تغضبْ . فأعاد عليه مرارًا ، كلُّ ذلك يقولُ : لا تغضَبْ .
(بخاري:6116)