I am in love with a married man. His wife is unable to have kids and he is willing to have another wife if his mother permits it. Is it alright for me to continue thinking of a life with him?
In the name of Allah, the most Beneficent, the most Merciful.
Answer
Allah (SWA) in the Holy Qur’an has said:
‘Then marry the women you like, in two’s, in three’s and in four’s. But if you fear that you will not maintain equality, then (keep to) one women, or a bondwoman you own. It will be closer to your not doing injustice.’ (Surah Nisaa v.3)
Saaiduna Abu Hurairah Radiallahu Anhu narrates that the Prophet of Allah Sallallahu Alahi Wasalam said “A man who has two wives and he does not deal justly with them will be resurrected on the Day of Judgement with half his body paralysed.” (Sunan Tirmizi)
With regards to your question, it is not necessary for the husband to seek permission from the first wife or from his mother for his second marriage to be considered valid and correct. However, it is preferable to consult in particular his wife regarding the issue to avoid upsetting her. (Raddul Muhtar p.138 v.4)
However, in the mean time you should stop talking to this man immediately as he is unlawful for you until the marriage is done. You should not think or contemplate a future with him until the marriage is done. This is nothing but Satan trying to lead you astray. Allah (SWA) has said, “Verily Satan is an enemy to you: so treat him as an enemy. He only invites his adherents, that they may become Companions of the Blazing Fire.” (Surah Fatir v.6)
Islam is a religion that instructs its followers to be moral and modest and does not allow its followers to tread the path of immorality and immodesty. Allah enjoys on both males and females to restrain their eyes from looking at each other. “Enjoin the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their modesty… Likewise enjoin the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their modesty… (Surah An Nur: 30-31)
Ahadiths on the prohibition of men and women intermingling are many. Jarir ibn Abdullah narrates that I asked the Prophet (sallal lahu alayhi wa sallam) about the sudden glance (that is cast) on the face (of a non-Mahram). He commanded me that I should turn away my eyes. (Muslim, 1015)
Uqba bin Amir narrates that the Prophet (sallal lahu alayhi wa sallam) said, “Beware of entering upon the ladies.” A man from the Ansar said, “Allah’s Apostle! What about the in-laws of the wife?” The Prophet replied, “The in-laws of the wife are death itself.” (Bukhari, Vol 7, 159)
The above verse of the Quran and the Ahadiths of the Prophet (sallal lahu alayhi wa sallam) indicate the importance of observing segregation and to refrain from intermingling. A person is instructed to turn the gaze away when a glance is cast on a non-Mahram accidentally let alone on an arranged meeting.
In another Hadith Ibn Abbas (radi allahu anhu) narrates that Abu Huraira (radi allahu anhu) narrated from the Prophet (sallal lahu alayhi wa sallam) who said “The adultery of the eyes is the sight (to gaze at a forbidden thing), the adultery of the tongue is the talk, and the inner self wishes and desires and the private parts testify all this or deny it.” (Sahih Bukhari: 8.260)
If you really want to marry this man, you will need to go about things in a correct manner. You must at once stop all informal communication with him. Perform the prayer of guidance (Salat al-Istikhara) and ask Allah to guide you. If marriage with him is destined for you, you will marry him; otherwise Allah may choose someone more suitable for you.
Only Allah Knows Best
Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
