Fatwa ID: 09474
Answered by Mufti Abdurrahman Mohammad
Question:
I agreed on doing a wedding party (Walima) in Morocco around Feburary 24. I am from the UK. Circumstances have changed my mothers health is detoriating she is on oxygen 24/7 and cannot be left alone. I am the only son that carers more than 30 mins than others.
I have suggested to my wife that we delay the wedding party end of year possibly next year when we may be in a better position. Apply for visa as I need support to look after mother and the house Also, wife needs time to save and refused a loan from me as its a womans walima not groom side.
It has been blown out of context as if I completely reject having a wedding party. Wife mother insists on having a wedding party before daughter leaves Morroco. It will take 1 year 6 months to 2 years for my wife to save for the wedding party due to her low income there. Is this an excessive time to wait for husband and wife to be together?
What is the ruling on:
- Wedding Party (Walima) already had engagement party and nikah cerimoney and eid celebration.
- Delaying marriage relations of husband and wife. (Do i have a right to say to my wife i will be with you in 5 years time due to work commitments or a business abroad?
- Am I obligated to carry out mother in laws wishes? Obligated to adhere to the Moroccan tradiations?
- My own mother insists her daughter in law should come over as soon as to be with her husband and start a new life and build and do the party later on when set.
- Does my wife need to respect and adhere to her new mother in law?
- Delaying a wedding party a valid reason for divorce?
Allah make things easy for everyone.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
Question 1: Walima after Engagement, Nikah, and Eid Celebration
The Walima is a Sunnah and a recommended celebration after the marriage is consummated, but it is not a condition for the validity of the marriage. [1] Engagement parties and Eid celebrations are cultural, not religious requirements. Delaying or even omitting the Walima does not affect the validity of the marriage as it is Sunnah. The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “Publicize this marriage, and hold it in the Masjid, and beat the Duff for it.” (Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1089)
Walimah is a Sunnah and is the responsibility of the husband. It may be held on the day of the wedding, the following day, or the day after that. After this period, the wedding celebration and Walimah come to an end. [2] There is no concept in Islam of a woman’s Walimah, this is a cultural practice and has no basis in Islamic. The wife is not expected to financially contribute towards the Walimah.
The Walimah may be very simple, such as feeding a small number of neighbors, relatives, or friends. [2] The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “Hold a wedding feast, even if only with a sheep.” (Sahih Muslim 1427c).
The Walimah is neither a condition for the validity of the marriage nor a requirement for the couple to begin living together. Ideally, a couple should start living together immediately after the Nikāh. Waiting 1 or 2 years to consummate the marriage and start living together is an excessive time to wait and not recommended.
Question 2: Delaying Marriage Relations of Husband and Wife
Islamically, once the Nikāh is done, both spouses have rights over each other, including the right to live together and marital relations. If there is a valid reason (such as waiting for visa, health, or financial issues), a short delay is tolerated. However, excessive delay (such as several years) without mutual agreement can be harmful and is highly discouraged.
If a husband says to his wife “I will be with you in 5 years due to work,” this is considered unfair and against the objectives of marriage (ex. companionship, protection from harm and temptation etc.). A husband may request his wife to drop off some of her rights over him (ex. marital relations), but she is not obligated to accept them. And even if she agrees, she may demand back her rights whenever she wants. If a husband is unable to fulfill marital rights for a prolonged period (such as a year or more), the wife may seek divorce or file a case in an Islamic court and request an annulment of the marriage. [3]
Question 3: Obligation to Carry Out Mother-in-Law’s Wishes or Adhere to Moroccan Traditions
You are not obligated to fulfill your mother-in-law’s wishes or to adhere to specific cultural traditions if they are not required in Islam. However, it is better to follow them for the sake of maintaining relationships and for peace and harmony in the marriage. You may follow these requests and traditions if they do not contradict Islamic values or include unislamic elements (like singing and dancing). The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “No obedience is to be given in the case of an act of disobedience to God” (Mishkat al-Masabih 3665).
Therefore, you are not obligated to carry out your mother-in-law’s requests and Moroccon traditions, but it would be better to for the sake of the marriage. Also, you are not sinful for declining or delaying such requests when there is a genuine need or hardship, such as caring for your ill mother, financial constraints, or visa issues.
Question 4: Mother’s Wish for Daughter-in-Law to Come Over and Do Party Later
Your mother’s request aligns with the Islamic principle that after Nikāh, the wife should join her husband and begin their life together. Delaying this without a valid reason is discouraged. The wedding party can be done at a later date. However, when your wife comes over is a matter to be decided solely between you and her. She is not obligated to follow your mother’s wishes, just as you are not obligated to follow her mother’s wishes. You should discuss with your wife and agree on a time that is practical and keeps everyone happy.
Question 5: Does the Wife Need to Respect and Adhere to Her New Mother-in-Law?
Islam encourages good treatment and respect towards everyone including in-laws, but the wife is not obligated to obey her mother-in-law in the same way she is obligated to obey her husband. You may not force your wife to obey your mother, the same way she may not force you to listen to her mother. A wife must obey her husband in matters related to marital life and protect his honor, but there is no requirement of obligatory service toward his family members. [4] Also, a wife may not be forced to live in the same room as her mother-in-law, nor can she be forced to cook and care for her. [5, 6]
Question 6: Is Delaying a Wedding Party a Valid Reason for Divorce?
Delaying the Walima or a wedding party is not a valid reason for divorce, since the Walimah is Sunnah and the wedding party is cultural. However, if the delay in living together or fulfilling marital rights becomes excessive and causes harm or hardship, it may be valid grounds for Khul’ah (wife-initiated divorce) or Faskh (annulment of marriage).
Only Allah ﷻ knows best.
Written by Mufti Abdurrahman Mohammad
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
References:
[1]
وَفِي الِاخْتِيَارِ: وَلِيمَةُ الْعُرْسِ سُنَّةٌ قَدِيمَةٌ إنْ لَمْ يُجِبْهَا أَثِمَ لِقَوْلِهِ – صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ – «مَنْ لَمْ يُجِبْ الدَّعْوَةَ فَقَدْ عَصَى اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ، فَإِنْ كَانَ صَائِمًا أَجَابَ وَدَعَا، وَإِنْ لَمْ يَكُنْ صَائِمًا أَكَلَ وَدَعَا، وَإِنْ لَمْ يَأْكُلْ وَلَمْ يُجِبْ أَثِمَ وَجَفَا» لِأَنَّهُ اسْتِهْزَاءٌ بِالْمُضِيفِ وَقَالَ – عَلَيْهِ الصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامُ – «لَوْ دُعِيت إلَى كُرَاعٍ لَأَجَبْت» اهـ. وَمُقْتَضَاهُ أَنَّهَا سُنَّةٌ مُؤَكَّدَةٌ، بِخِلَافِ غَيْرِهَا وَصَرَّحَ شُرَّاحُ الْهِدَايَةِ بِأَنَّهَا قَرِيبَةٌ مِنْ الْوَاجِبِ
Al-Fatāwā Al-Hindiyyah, vol. 6, pg. 347, Al-Maṭba’ah Al-Kubrā Al-Amīriyyah
[2]
وَوَلِيمَةُ الْعُرْسِ سُنَّةٌ، وَفِيهَا مَثُوبَةٌ عَظِيمَةٌ وَهِيَ إذَا بَنَى الرَّجُلُ بِامْرَأَتِهِ يَنْبَغِي أَنْ يَدْعُوَ الْجِيرَانَ وَالْأَقْرِبَاءَ وَالْأَصْدِقَاءَ وَيَذْبَحَ لَهُمْ وَيَصْنَعَ لَهُمْ طَعَامًا، وَإِذَا اتَّخَذَ يَنْبَغِي لَهُمْ أَنْ يُجِيبُوا، فَإِنْ لَمْ يَفْعَلُوا أَثِمُوا قَالَ – عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ -: «مَنْ لَمْ يُجِبْ الدَّعْوَةَ، فَقَدْ عَصَى اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ، فَإِنْ كَانَ صَائِمًا أَجَابَ وَدَعَا، وَإِنْ لَمْ يَكُنْ صَائِمًا أَكَلَ وَدَعَا، وَإِنْ لَمْ يَأْكُلْ أَثِمَ وَجَفَا» ، كَذَا فِي خِزَانَةِ الْمُفْتِينَ. وَلَا بَأْسَ بِأَنْ يَدْعُوَ يَوْمَئِذٍ مِنْ الْغَدِ وَبَعْدَ الْغَدِ، ثُمَّ يَنْقَطِعُ الْعُرْسُ وَالْوَلِيمَةُ، كَذَا فِي الظَّهِيرِيَّةِ
Al-Fatāwā Al-Hindiyyah, vol. 5, pg. 343, Al-Maṭba’ah Al-Kubrā Al-Amīriyyah
[3]
وَرُوِيَ عَنْ ابْنِ مَسْعُودٍ ﵁ مِثْلُهُ، وَرُوِيَ عَنْ عَلِيٍّ ﵁ أَنَّهُ قَالَ: يُؤَجَّلُ سَنَةً، فَإِنْ وَصَلَ إلَيْهَا، وَإِلَّا فُرِّقَ بَيْنَهُمَا، وَكَانَ قَضَاؤُهُمْ بِمَحْضَرٍ مِنْ الصَّحَابَةِ ﵃، وَلَمْ يُنْقَلْ أَنَّهُ أَنْكَرَ عَلَيْهِمْ أَحَدٌ مِنْهُمْ، فَيَكُونُ إجْمَاعًا؛ وَلِأَنَّ الْوَطْءَ مَرَّةً وَاحِدَةً مُسْتَحَقٌّ عَلَى الزَّوْجِ لِلْمَرْأَةِ بِالْعَقْدِ، وَفِي إلْزَامِ الْعَقْدِ عِنْدَ تَقَرُّرِ الْعَجْزِ عَنْ الْوُصُولِ تَفْوِيتُ الْمُسْتَحَقِّ بِالْعَقْدِ عَلَيْهَا، وَهَذَا ضَرَرٌ بِهَا، وَظُلْمٌ فِي حَقِّهَا، وَقَدْ قَالَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى ﴿وَلا يَظْلِمُ رَبُّكَ أَحَدًا﴾ [الكهف: ٤٩].
وَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ ﷺ: «لَا ضَرَرَ، وَلَا ضِرَارَ فِي الْإِسْلَامِ» ، فَيُؤَدِّي إلَى التَّنَاقُضِ، وَذَلِكَ مُحَالٌ؛ لِأَنَّ اللَّهَ تَعَالَى أَوْجَبَ عَلَى الزَّوْجِ الْإِمْسَاكَ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ أَوْ التَّسْرِيجَ بِإِحْسَانٍ، بِقَوْلِهِ تَعَالَى ﷻ: ﴿فَإِمْسَاكٌ بِمَعْرُوفٍ أَوْ تَسْرِيحٌ بِإِحْسَانٍ﴾ [البقرة: ٢٢٩] وَمَعْلُومٌ أَنَّ اسْتِيفَاءَ النِّكَاحِ عَلَيْهَا مَعَ كَوْنِهَا مَحْرُومَةَ الْحَظِّ مِنْ الزَّوْجِ لَيْسَ مِنْ الْإِمْسَاكِ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ فِي شَيْءٍ، فَتَعَيَّنَ عَلَيْهِ التَّسْرِيحُ بِالْإِحْسَانِ، فَإِنْ سَرَّحَ بِنَفْسِهِ، وَإِلَّا نَابَ الْقَاضِي مَنَابَهُ فِي التَّسْرِيحِ
Badāi’ Al-Sanāi’ Fī Tartīb Al-Sharāi’, vol. 2, pg. 323, Dār Al-Kutub Al-’Ilmiyyah
[4]
وَمِنْهَا، وُجُوبُ طَاعَةِ الزَّوْجِ عَلَى الزَّوْجَةِ إذَا دَعَاهَا إلَى الْفِرَاشِ لِقَوْلِهِ تَعَالَى ﴿وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ﴾ [البقرة: ٢٢٨] قِيلَ: لَهَا الْمَهْرُ وَالنَّفَقَةُ، وَعَلَيْهَا أَنْ تُطِيعَهُ فِي نَفْسِهَا، وَتَحْفَظَ غَيْبَتَهُ؛ وَلِأَنَّ اللَّهَ ﷿ أَمَرَ بِتَأْدِيبِهِنَّ بِالْهَجْرِ وَالضَّرْبِ عِنْدَ عَدَمِ طَاعَتِهِنَّ، وَنَهَى عَنْ طَاعَتِهِنَّ بِقَوْلِهِ ﷿ ﴿فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلا﴾ [النساء: ٣٤] ، فَدَلَّ أَنَّ التَّأْدِيبَ كَانَ لِتَرْكِ الطَّاعَةِ، فَيَدُلُّ عَلَى لُزُومِ طَاعَتِهِنَّ الْأَزْوَاجَ
Badāi’ Al-Sanāi’ Fī Tartīb Al-Sharāi’, vol. 2, pg. 334, Dār Al-Kutub Al-’Ilmiyyah
[5]
امْرَأَةٌ أَبَتْ أَنْ تَسْكُنَ مَعَ ضَرَّتِهَا، أَوْ مَعَ أَحْمَائِهَا كَأُمِّهِ وَغَيْرِهَا، فَإِنْ كَانَ فِي الدَّارِ بُيُوتٌ فَرَّغَ لَهَا بَيْتًا، وَجَعَلَ لِبَيْتِهَا غَلْقًا عَلَى حِدَةٍ لَيْسَ لَهَا أَنْ تَطْلُبَ مِنْ الزَّوْجِ بَيْتًا آخَرَ، فَإِنْ لَمْ يَكُنْ فِيهَا إلَّا بَيْتٌ وَاحِدٌ فَلَهَا ذَلِكَ
Al-Fatāwā Al-Hindiyyah, vol. 1, pg. 556, Al-Maṭba’ah Al-Kubrā Al-Amīriyyah
[6]
وَلَوْ جَاءَ الزَّوْجُ بِطَعَامٍ يَحْتَاجُ إلَى الطَّبْخِ وَالْخَبْزِ فَأَبَتْ الْمَرْأَةُ الطَّبْخَ وَالْخَبْزَ يَعْنِي بِأَنْ تَطْبُخَ وَتَخْبِزَ لِمَا رُوِيَ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ ﷺ قَسَمَ الْأَعْمَالَ بَيْنَ عَلِيٍّ وَفَاطِمَةَ ﵄ فَجَعَلَ أَعْمَالَ الْخَارِجِ عَلَى عَلِيٍّ وَأَعْمَالَ الدَّاخِلِ عَلَى فَاطِمَةَ ﵄ وَلَكِنَّهَا لَا تُجْبَرُ عَلَى ذَلِكَ إنْ أَبَتْ وَيُؤْمَرُ الزَّوْجُ أَنْ يَأْتِيَ لَهَا بِطَعَامٍ مُهَيَّأٍ
Badāi’ Al-Sanāi’ Fī Tartīb Al-Sharāi’, vol. 4, pg. 24, Dār Al-Kutub Al-’Ilmiyyah