Fatwa ID: 09094
Answered by Mufti Abdurrahman Mohammad
Question:
AOA, I was in a relationship with a man who was cheating on his fiance because he caught feelings for me. He approached me first and spent time with me giving me hopes for a marriage and children. I had no intention other than marrying him. I loved him deeply with pure intentions. I was left devastated when he ghosted me suddenly and I suffered severe health problems – panic attacks, anxiety and I got suicidal. I made it through but I was so enraged I took revenge by exposing him in front of his wife. I’m now scared that I should have left the matter to Allah. Allah doesn’t like us exposing anybody’s sins but I did. I patiently waited for a year, prayed in all ways possible for a miracle to happen but the silence from Allah was deafening. Nothing seemed to change. I was only suffering but it seemed like that man was living peacefully and had moved on while I was suffering day and night. I kept praying to Allah to remove him from my heart. Nothing was working. Is what I have done wrong? And if yes, then how will Allah forgive me? I seriously don’t want to lose Allah. I’m not at all at peace and just always hurting. Nothing seems to get better.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
May Allah (ﷻ) ease your pain and help you with this difficult trials. I understand that life can get very tough, and Allah (ﷻ) tests his chosen worshippers with extremely difficult calamities at times. Allah (ﷻ) does this to purify His servants, to test their Iman (faith), and to elevate them to ranks they could not achieve through their actions.
Allah (ﷻ) is Al-Ghafoor (The Most-Forgiving) and Al-Raheem (The Most-Merciful). We are only human and are bound to make mistakes, but this should not make us despair and lose hope in the mercy of Allah. Allah (ﷻ) says in the Quran:
Say, ˹O Prophet, that Allah says,˺ “O My servants who have exceeded the limits against their souls! Do not lose hope in Allah’s mercy, for Allah certainly forgives all sins. He is indeed the All-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Az-Zumar 39:53)
It has been narrated that the Prophet (ﷺ) said:
Every son of Adam commits sin, and the best of those who commit sin are those who repent. (Sunan Ibn Majah 4251)
True repentance (Tawbah) requires acknowledging one’s mistake, feeling genuine regret, seeking forgiveness from Allah (ﷻ), making amends, and having a firm resolve to never repeat the sin. [1]
In Islam, it is impermissible for a woman to have a platonic relationship with a non-related male. Allah (ﷻ) says:
Do not go near adultery. It is truly a shameful deed and an evil way. (Al-Isra 17:32)
The relationship itself started out as a sin and Allah (ﷻ) wanted to cleanse you of it and replace it with something better. We must acknowledge that certain things are beyond our control, and that Allah (ﷻ) wants the best for us even if we do not understand his wisdom. We must remain patient and accept His decision for us. Allah (ﷻ) says in the Quran:
Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know. (Al-Baqarah 2:216)
Remember that Allah (ﷻ) is As-Sattār (The Concealer) who hides the faults of his servants.
Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “A Muslim is a brother of another Muslim, so he should not oppress him, nor should he hand him over to an oppressor. Whoever fulfilled the needs of his brother, Allah will fulfill his needs; whoever brought his (Muslim) brother out of a discomfort, Allah will bring him out of the discomforts of the Day of Resurrection, and whoever screened a Muslim, Allah will screen him on the Day of Resurrection. ” (Sahih al-Bukhari 2442)
Therefore, the best course of action would have been to remain patient and not take revenge by exposing him. At the same time, he committed a grave sin by deceiving you with lies and false hopes of marriage. You must seek forgiveness and make Tawbah for what you had done, but that does not make you beyond hope, it simply means there is something to repent from.
When a person sincerely repents, they should always have hope that Allah (ﷻ) will accept their repentance and forgive them. Every time Allah (ﷻ) accepts Tawbah, that sin is wiped from their record. It has been narrated that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:
The one who repents from sin is like one who did not sin. (Sunan Ibn Majah 4250)
As long as you feel remorse and are determined to never repeat that action, have hope in Allah (ﷻ)’s mercy. Do not despair and let the whispers of Shaytan lead you astray. Shaytan is trying to discourage you, making you feel that repentance is useless or that your sins are too great to be forgiven. Remember that as long as you are sincere in your repentance, you can have hope that Allah (ﷻ) will forgive you. Keep your faith strong and think well of Allah (ﷻ).
Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “Allah said, ‘I am to my slave as he thinks of Me, (i.e. I am able to do for him what he thinks I can do for him). (Sahih al-Bukhari 7505)
Insha Allah you will be rewarded immensely for your trials and hardships, and Allah (ﷻ) will definitely grant you something better in return. You should accept fate and the decision of Allah (ﷻ), maintain patience, and turn to Allah (ﷻ) with sincere duā. The Prophet (ﷺ) taught the following duā at times of loss and hardship:
اللَّهُمَّ أْجُرْنِي فِي مُصِيبَتِي وَاخْلُفْ لِي خَيْرًا مِنْهَا
O Allah, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in exchange for it (Sahih Muslim 918b)
Allah (ﷻ) is not silent nor does He ignore the pain and suffering of his servants. But He does not always respond in the way or timing we expect. Remain patient and continue making duā to Allah (ﷻ) to ease your pain and suffering and help you through this trial.
Never lose hope in the mercy of Allah (ﷻ). No matter what may have happened in the past, Allah is Al-Ghafoor, Ar-Raheem. Focus now on protecting yourself and doing what pleases Allah (ﷻ). Have hope in His mercy for what has passed, and have fear of Him going forward so that you avoid falling into sin again, and continue to make duā. This balance between hope and fear is the path of the believer. Try to increase in good deeds. Read Quran abundantly and engage in Dhikr. Allah says:
Surely good deeds wipe out evil deeds. (Hud 11:114)
O believers! Seek comfort in patience and prayer. Allah is truly with those who are patient. (Baqarah 2:153)
Recite what has been revealed to you of the Book and establish prayer. Indeed, ˹genuine˺ prayer should deter ˹one˺ from indecency and wickedness. The remembrance of Allah is ˹an˺ even greater ˹deterrent˺. And Allah ˹fully˺ knows what you ˹all˺ do. (Ankabut 29:45)
Only Allah ﷻ knows best.
Written by Answered by Mufti Abdurrahman Mohammad
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
References:
[1]
وَالتَّوْبَةُ تَرْكُ الذَّنْبِ عَلَى أَحَدِ الْأَوْجُهِ. وَفِي الشَّرْعِ: تَرْكُ الذَّنْبِ لِقُبْحِهِ، وَالنَّدَمُ عَلَى فِعْلِهِ، وَالْعَزْمُ عَلَى عَدَمِ الْعَوْدِ وَرَدُّ الْمَظْلِمَةِ إِنْ كَانَتْ أَوْ طَلَبُ الْبَرَاءَةِ مِنْ صَاحِبِهَا
(Fath Al-Barī, vol. 11, pg. 103, Al-Maktabah As-Salafiyyah)